A child does not have to say, “I hate my body,” for you to sense a change. Maybe the child in your care has started skipping meals. Maybe they talk often about weight, calories, muscles, or needing to “fix” their body. They may work out much more than before. They may avoid family meals, hide food, wear different clothing, or pull away from friends.
It can be hard to know what is part of growing up and what needs more help. You do not have to figure that out alone. If something feels off, pay attention and reach out.
Body Image Is About More Than Weight
Body image is how a person thinks and feels about their body. It is also about how at home they feel in their own skin. A child or young adult may worry about weight, but they may also focus on muscles, skin, hair, height, shape, or other parts of their appearance.
These struggles can affect any child. Boys may not use the words “body image” and instead heavily focus on muscle, protein, workouts, or strict food rules. Social media can add even more pressure for young people. Their feed may be full of edited photos, diets, fitness trends, or advice from people who are not health experts.
Look for Patterns, Not One Bad Day
Most young people have days when they do not like how they look. Pay closer attention when these worries start taking up a lot of time or get in the way of daily life.
Know the signs to watch for.
Watching for these common changes in behavior can help you understand whether their body image is becoming a challenge to navigate.
- skipping meals or eating much less than before
- eating only a few foods they believe are “safe”
- hiding food, binge eating, or becoming secretive about eating
- feeling strong fear or guilt around food
- working out in an extreme or strict way
- talking often about weight, body size, calories, or needing more muscle
- avoiding family meals, friends, sports, or other things they once enjoyed
- wearing very baggy or too-tight clothing
- becoming more anxious, angry, tired, dizzy, or withdrawn
Eating disorders can affect people of any gender, race, background, and many different body sizes. This relative child or teen may not fit the picture you may have in your mind of someone with an eating disorder.
Talk about what you notice, not what they weigh.
If you are worried, keep your first talk with them calm and simple. Focus on the changes you’ve noticed. Try not to focus on the child’s weight or looks.
You might say, “I’ve noticed meals seem hard lately, and you don’t want to eat with us. How are you doing?”
Or try, “You seem worried about your workouts and what you eat. I want to understand what this feels like for you.”
Listen more than you talk. Try not to argue that their body looks “fine.” Their feelings are real, even when you see them differently.
Ask about social media, too.
It can help to learn what your relative child sees online. Stay calm about the apps or influencers they like. Ask, “How does this kind of post make you feel about yourself?”
Social media algorithms keep showing users more of what they already watch. That can include harmful diet or body-focused posts. Help this child notice edited images and unsafe advice. The goal is not one big talk. Keep the conversation open so they know they can come back to you.
Think about what food may mean to this child.
Many children being raised by relatives have lived through loss, stress, trauma, or times when there was not enough food. Those past experiences may still shape how safe this child feels around food, even if your home is a safe space for them.
Research also suggests that young people who have experienced trauma and food insecurity may have a higher risk for body dissatisfaction and disordered eating.
Try not to shame or punish them for eating habits that worry you. Stay curious. Ask yourself, “What might be behind this?” Then seek help to understand better what your child needs.
Get help sooner rather than later.
You do not need to decide on your own if your child has an eating disorder. Start with the child’s doctor. Tell their pediatrician what you have seen, even if the child says nothing is wrong. A doctor can check the child’s health and help you find the next steps.
The American Academy of Pediatrics advises caregivers not to wait for the child to agree that there is a problem before raising concerning changes with their doctor.
You can also ask about a counselor or dietitian who works with children and teens and knows about eating disorders and body image. Your local hospital or school counselors may be able to recommend reliable resources.
If your child refuses help, you can still find guidance. You might say to your niece or nephew, “I’m not sure how to handle this, and I want us to talk with someone who understands it better.”
This makes getting help something you do together. Family therapy can also be an important part of treatment for young people with eating disorders.
However, if this child faints, seems very weak or dehydrated, or appears to be in medical danger, get medical care right away!
Keep Connection at the Center
You will not say everything perfectly. What matters is that this child knows you are paying attention and that it’s safe to talk with you. They need to know you are not judging them and that you will help them find support.
The goal is not a “perfect” body or a perfect diet. The goal is to help a young person build a safer, kinder relationship with food, movement, and the body that carries them through life.
Additional Resources for Families:
- Navigating Conversations About Body Image With Your Teen
- Social Media, Body Image & Self-Esteem: What’s the Connection?
- Anorexia & Bulimia: How Eating Disorders Can Affect Your Child
- Understanding Eating Disorders in Kids and Teens: Signs, Support & Fostering Healthy Habits – podcast episode 65
- Body Positivity and Kids: How to Raise Confident, Healthy Children – podcast episode 71