When the child you are raising struggles in school, it can be hard to know what to do next. You may see low grades, unfinished work, behavior problems, or a child who says they hate school. You may also hear concerns from teachers. If school worked differently when you attended, or when you were raising your own children, it may feel even more overwhelming. Terms like IEP, 504 Plan, and educational evaluation can make the process feel confusing.
Create a Team Around This Child
You do not have to understand everything at once or solve every problem by yourself. One of the best things you can do is build a team around your relative child. Teachers, counselors, school specialists, service providers, and caregivers can each offer useful information. The goal is to keep asking, “What does this child need to learn, grow, and feel successful?”
Start with curiosity.
If your grandchild, niece, or nephew is repeatedly having the same problem, pay attention. Ask yourself what the pattern or common point of frustration could be.
Maybe reading is always a struggle. Maybe homework takes hours. A trusted teacher may also tell you they see a concern.
Try to approach these concerns with curiosity instead of blame. You might ask:
- “What are you noticing?”
- “When does this seem hardest?”
- “What seems to help?”
- “What have you already tried?”
You know your child in ways the school does not. Teachers and school staff also see this child in a different setting, with learning demands, classmates, and routines. Putting those pieces together can help everyone better understand what may be going on.
Build a relationship with the school.
Start with your child’s teacher. Write a short email to share what you are seeing at home and ask what they are seeing at school. You do not have to wait until there is a crisis to communicate.
Try to see school staff as partners. That does not mean you must agree with everything. When you disagree, questions can help move the conversation forward.
You could ask these questions to open the door:
- “Can you help me understand why you recommend this?”
- “What other options could we consider?”
If your grandchild, niece, or nephew continues to struggle, ask whether an educational evaluation may be helpful. Make this request in writing to keep a clear record. Keep copies of emails, evaluations, school plans, and other important papers.
Learn the language a little at a time.
Special education has many terms and letters. You may hear IEP, 504, IDEA, or other acronyms. It is normal not to know what they all mean. Do not be embarrassed to ask someone to explain a term in plain language. You can say, “I’m new to this. What does that mean for my child?”
An IEP, or Individualized Education Program, is a plan for eligible students who need special education services. Some children who do not qualify for an IEP may still be able to receive supports through a 504 Plan.
Understood.org is a safe and reputable resource for learning more about special education plans and terms.
You do not need to become a special education expert. You need enough information to take part in decisions, understand your choices, and ask good questions.
Prepare for school meetings.
A school support meeting can feel intimidating, especially when several professionals are at the table. Before the meeting, write down your biggest concerns and questions. Bring examples if they may help.
During the meeting, listen for your child’s strengths as well as their challenges. Offer your view on where your child shines and where you see gaps or needs. Ask the team what they hope the specific supports will accomplish and how everyone will know whether they are helping.
If you do not understand something, ask the team to slow down or explain it another way. You can also bring an advocate or another support person to an IEP meeting. If you do not understand a plan, you can ask for more time to review it.
Remember that asking questions is not being difficult. Questions help you understand what your child needs and help the whole team make better decisions.
Get support for yourself, too.
School challenges can take a lot of time and energy. You may be juggling meetings, homework, appointments, behavior concerns, and the rest of family life. You deserve support while you are supporting this child.
Talk with other relative caregivers or parents who have been through the process. Ask a trusted professional, advocate, family member, or support person to help you understand your options. Another person’s point of view can help you think of questions, get a handle on the process, or feel less alone.
Give yourself permission not to know everything. Asking for help is another way to gather what your family needs.
Keep track of what is working.
A school plan is not the end of the conversation. Stay in touch with teachers and check in with your child. Ask what feels easier, what is still hard, and which supports actually help.
If something is not working, contact the school and ask to meet again. Sometimes a plan needs to change as the team learns more about the child or as the child gains skills. Stay in contact with any other services your child receives to help you understand their growth.
Simple daily routines at home can also support school success. Regular sleep, meals, movement, and a manageable homework routine can work together to provide more stability for this child. If homework becomes a nightly battle, ask the teacher whether (and how) the amount or approach should be adjusted.
Finally, remember to celebrate efforts and progress, not just grades. Offer appreciation to the child’s team members who have made a positive impact, and cheer your grandchild on for their wins!
You Are an Important Part of the Team
Supporting a relative child who struggles in school can feel like a lot, especially when the system is new to you. But you do not need all the answers before you begin.
Be curious. Ask questions. Share what you know about your child. Listen to what teachers and other professionals are seeing. Reach out when you need support for yourself.
Most of all, keep bringing the conversation back to your child:
- “What is helping?”
- “What is getting in the way?“
- “What should we try next”
Step by step, you can help build a supportive team around this child that gives them a better chance to learn, grow, and feel capable at school.