As children move into the teen years, their world gets bigger.
They spend more time with friends. They have greater freedom. They use technology more often. They start making decisions without an adult by their side.
That growing independence is a normal and healthy part of development. But it can also feel scary for grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other family caregivers.
Teaching Real-Life Safety Skills
Many children in kinship care have experienced loss, trauma, family disruption, or difficult life circumstances. Because of those experiences, they may need extra guidance as they learn to navigate friendships, relationships, and increased responsibility safely.
The good news is that those safety skills can be taught. And you can be the trusted adult who helps them learn to manage their everyday lives.
Your goal is not to control every choice your relative child makes. Your goal is to help them develop the judgment, confidence, and support systems they need to stay safe long after they leave your home.
1. Help kids recognize healthy friendships.
Friends become increasingly important as your relative children get older.
Healthy friendships help your children feel accepted, supported, and connected. Unhealthy friendships can increase the risks of unsafe behavior and poor decision-making.
What makes a good friend?
Talk about the traits of a healthy friend:
- Respects boundaries.
- Tells the truth.
- Encourages positive choices.
- Accepts “no” for an answer.
- Makes you feel safe and valued.
What makes a friendship unhealthy?
- Pressures you to break rules.
- Encourages risky behavior.
- Makes fun of you.
- Tries to control who you spend time with.
- Asks you to keep secrets that feel uncomfortable.
When you are concerned about this young person’s friendships, try to be curious rather than criticizing their friends:
- “What do you like about spending time with them?”
- “How do you feel after you’ve been together?”
- “Do they help bring out the best in you?”
These conversations help children learn to evaluate their own relationships.
2. Talk about peer pressure before it happens.
Every child wants to belong. That desire grows more pronounced in the tween and teen years. And sometimes that desire to fit in can lead to unsafe choices.
Practice ways your young person can respond when someone pressures them.
Encourage them to memorize a few simple phrases:
- “No thanks.”
- “I’m not interested.”
- “I need to check with my (aunt, grandmother, uncle, etc.).”
- “I have to be home soon.”
Act it out together.
Try role-playing a few situations. It may feel awkward at first, but it gives kids confidence when they face real-life situations.
3. Discuss dating and relationships.
As children enter middle school and high school, conversations about romantic relationships become important.
Talk about what healthy romantic relationships look like.
- Respect
- Trust
- Honesty
- Kindness
- Healthy boundaries
And discuss what healthy relationships are not:
- Not pressuring
- Not threatening
- Not isolating or divisive
- Not frightening
Talk about these things – and keep talking. They should not be a “one-time” big talk, but an open dialogue that grows as they do.
4. Create clear technology expectations for your home.
Technology can connect children to friends, information, and opportunities. But it can also expose young people to risks.
Communicate openly and often about:
- Social media use
- Online gaming
- Sharing personal information
- Photos and videos
- Conversations with strangers
Try to avoid leading with punishment.
Children should know they can come to you if something online makes them uncomfortable. If they fear getting in trouble, they may hide problems.
Instead, remind them: “If something happens online that worries you, I want you to tell me. We’ll figure it out together.”
5. Teach personal safety without fear.
It is important to talk – and keep talking – about difficult issues like substance use, unsafe situations, or exploitation. But try not to do it out of fear. Or to use “scare tactics” to get them to make safe choices.
They will hear from you better and learn how to navigate these choices when they understand the reasons behind expectations.
Explain how alcohol, drugs, vaping, and other risky behaviors can affect their health, decision-making skills, and future goals.
6. Keep the conversation calm and ongoing.
Children are also more likely to listen when they feel respected and regulated. Your regulation in these conversations is a model for how to respond.
7. Give Increasing Responsibility
One of the best ways to prepare young people for adulthood is to give them opportunities to practice responsibility now.
You can start small by allowing them to:
- Manage their schedule.
- Keep track of assignments.
- Handle age-appropriate chores.
- Manage a small amount of money.
- Solve everyday problems with your support.
Confidence comes from being trusted with responsibilities that they can successfully manage. And if (when!) they make mistakes, calmly treat those moments as opportunities for learning.
8. Prepare your tweens and teens for inter-dependence.
As your relative children get older, they will still need you, but it may look different. To prepare them for healthy interdependence, help them learn basic life skills, such as:
- Budgeting and saving money
- Finding safe transportation
- Applying for jobs
- Filling out forms
- Asking for help
- Accessing community resources
- Setting goals
Many youth in kinship care worry about the future, even if they do not say it out loud.
Helping them learn these skills can reduce anxiety and build confidence.
9. Create a personal safety plan.
Every young person should know what to do if they feel unsafe in everyday situations. You can work together to create a simple plan that includes:
- Trusted adults they can contact
- Emergency phone numbers they should memorize
- Safe places they can go
- How and when to ask for help
- What to do if they feel pressured or threatened
Having a plan does not mean you expect something bad to happen. It does mean your child knows what to do if it does.
Stay Connected as They Grow
As these children become teenagers and young adults, they often want more privacy and independence.
That is normal. At the same time, they still need caring adults who will stay involved in their lives. Young people who feel connected to safe, caring adults are often better equipped to make healthy choices when challenges arise.
1. Keep showing interest in:
- Their friends
- Their activities
- Their interests
- Their goals
- Their worries
2. Listen more than you lecture.
3. Ask more than you assume.
4. Stay curious about who they are becoming.
Pulling It All Together
Ask your young person, “What do you think makes someone a safe friend?” Then listen carefully to their answer. Ask for their permission to share your own thoughts and examples. If they are not ready, respect that and ask when you can follow up to talk more.
These small conversations, repeated over time, help build their judgment and the confidence they need to navigate the world safely. And reinforces that you are a trusted adult they can rely on.