Why Friendships Matter – Part 1

Friendships are more than just fun — they help children learn essential skills that last a lifetime. Through friendships, children learn how to share, show kindness, understand other people’s feelings, solve problems together, and feel accepted and cared for.

As a grandparent or relative caregiver, you have a powerful influence. The way you talk, show kindness, and treat friends can teach children of any age what good friendship looks like.

What Makes a Good Friend and a Healthy Friendship

Some kids seem to know naturally how to be a good friend and what to look for in a friendship. Others need us to teach them (and model it) intentionally.

Here are a few qualities that make for good friendships:

  • Kindness, respect, honesty, and trust.
  • Feeling safe, accepted, and comfortable being themselves around friends.
  • Support — friends help each other, include each other, and treat each other fairly.

It also helps to discuss what makes a friendship unhealthy. Kids are often better at naming those things, but it’s still worth discussing. Things like disrespect, peer pressure, or unsafe or unkind behavior that make a child feel scared or unhappy can be named and affirmed as unhealthy. Your grandchild (or niece or nephew) can use this information to learn how to set healthy boundaries.

Practical Ways Grandparents & Caregivers Can Help

These practical strategies will help you support this child’s experiences of building friendships.

1. Model good friendship behavior

Children learn a lot by watching adults. Show them how you treat your friends: speak kindly, listen carefully, share time, and show respect.

Share stories from your own childhood — about friends you had, hurdles you faced, and good friends who helped you. Kids love hearing about our childhood! But they can also learn from our experiences that making friends doesn’t always come easy, but it can be rewarding.

2. Give them chances to meet and interact with peers

This community is rich with interesting and valuable relationships. So, invite other families over. Arrange small, low-key playdates or outings. These relaxed settings give your grandchildren a safe way to practice social skills, especially if they are shy or unsure.

Also, try to encourage activities or hobbies such as sports, music, art, church, or volunteer groups that match this child’s interests. When kids share experiences they enjoy, they naturally connect.

3. Practice social skills at home.

You can role-play simple social situations: how to say hello, how to invite someone to play, how to ask a peer to join a game, or how to share.

Teach them about putting themselves in another person’s shoes (empathy). You can role-play this, too, or watch character-driven movies. Pause the movie to discuss the characters’ experiences in the story. Try asking questions like:

  • “How do you think your friend (or that character) felt when that happened?”
  • “How would you like someone to treat you if you felt sad?”
  • “How did that character feel about his friendship when x, y, z happened? How would you feel?”

4. Help children understand friendship boundaries

Talk about what’s okay and what’s not in friendships, like issues of respect, fairness, and honesty. Help them recognize unhealthy signs — for example, if a playmate is always mean, controlling, or leaves them out.

Encourage your relative children to say how they feel. Teach them that it’s okay to say “no” to things that make them uncomfortable. Emphasize that friendships should make them feel good, not sad, ashamed, or scared.

5. Let them try — but also be there if things get hard

Part of building friendships means our kids might make mistakes, feel shy, hurt someone’s feelings, or feel hurt themselves. Let them try and explore on their own. At the same time, remind them you are ready to listen, support, and help when needed.

If a friendship ends or gets tricky, talk about their feelings, what happened, and what could be learned. This helps children grow — socially and emotionally.

Special Considerations: Kids Who May Struggle More

Some children — perhaps due to past trauma, early challenges, or developmental differences — may find friendships harder to build. If your grandchild or relative has a different history, it’s even more critical to give gentle support.

Extra help from adults:

Spend more time role-playing, discussing emotions, and offering encouragement.

Offer smaller, predictable opportunities:

Set up shorter playdates with one peer, group activities with safe, familiar adults, or join clubs where they already know kids who share that common interest or background.

Watch for signs of loneliness or worry:

Talk about those feelings, and, when needed, seek support from counselors, community groups, or other trusted adults.

Your Guidance Sets Them Up for Success

Your love, time, and presence matter a great deal. By showing kindness, sharing stories, offering gentle guidance, and creating chances for friendships to form, you help children feel safe, valued, and ready to connect.

Friendships don’t always come easy or fast. But when you teach and model healthy relationships with patience, encouragement, and some of the ideas above, you can help children form healthy relationships they carry into adulthood.

Resources for Families: