Do you ever catch yourself singing “Rockin’ around the Christmas tree…” and halfway through realize your tween or teen grandchild is doing their own version behind you, complete with lip-syncing, eye-rolling, but they’re secretly smiling too? That little burst of laughter is your golden ticket: it says “we belong together,” even when life gets hard.
Why Laughter and Shared Time Matter
When young people live with their relatives in kinship care, the world around them may feel uncertain. Maybe their birth parents’ substance use disorder led to the move, or prenatal exposure to alcohol and drugs creates learning challenges. Or maybe trauma or loss is part of their story. In these moments, the rhythm of “we are in this together” becomes a powerful anchor. The key to anchoring these tweens and teens isn’t always what we do with them, but that we show up consistently and reliably.
When you share fun —especially unexpected, spontaneous fun —you’re saying, “I care about you, I enjoy you, we’re more than the hard stuff.” You can lean into laughter with shared goofy songs, holiday-themed games, cooking disasters that end in giggles, and outdoor adventures that don’t go quite as planned. They build belonging.
Try Some Indoor Fun When the Weather Outside Is Frightful
- Living‐room fort + movie night. Bring blankets, pillows, lights on a string, and buckets of popcorn. Let your teen pick the movie—it might be a throwback cartoon, a Marvel flick, or a classic holiday movie. The magic is in building the space together.
- Kitchen karaoke or dance party. Put on a playlist (“Let It Snow,” “Jingle Bell Rock,” or something else this teen loves), crank up the volume, and let the sillies come out. While you’re grooving, you’re connecting.
- Cook & laugh. Pick a simple recipe together—maybe fry sweet potato pancakes or experiment with Cherokee fry bread. Follow the recipe, sing along to the tunes they chose, and laugh together as you make your food (and a mess). When kids help cook, the food isn’t the main point—the shared time is.
- Game or card night plus snack station. Ask your tween or teen nephew or niece to get out a board game or a deck of cards. Add holiday snacks (peppermint popcorn, hot cocoa with marshmallows, your family’s traditional cookies, etc.). Remember: it isn’t about winning. It’s about the inside jokes and fun memories you create.
- Photo memory project. Gather photos of this youth’s story—family, ancestors, memorable moments, etc. Let them help arrange a scrapbook or create a digital slideshow. This allows them to feel rooted and seen.
Outdoor Fun When the Snow is Glistening
- Nature walk + laughter hunt. Take a walk in the hills or forest around your home. Challenge each other: “Who can spot the silliest shaped rock or tree branch that looks like a dancing deer?” Share jokes, stories, and end with cocoa or chai.
- Start a snowball fight. If there’s snow, bundle up, set up teams, and host a snowball battle. If you don’t have snow, get out to the fresh air and create huge piles of leaves for tossing, jumping, or hiding. Keep it light, get silly, and let the outdoor play melt tensions for everyone!
- Stargazing snack stop. In the evening, head outside, bring a blanket and snacks, and look up at the “midnight clear.” Start a conversation about what you might both imagine for next year: school, dreams, fun adventures.
- Volunteer together for nature. Walk a trail and pick up litter, plant native shrubs, or even pull weeds for an elderly neighbor. Doing good and serving your community side by side nurtures connection and belonging.
Rockin’ Around the Kitchen & the Table
- Weekly cooking night. Every Friday or Saturday, rotate who chooses the main dish. Your tween or teen relative picks, you help. Add music and a “menu” written by them. If it flops, laugh and order pizza or make scrambled eggs. Remember, the connection is the point, not perfection.
- Story + supper. While you eat, share lighthearted family stories —maybe from your own teen years, or an ancestral story from your tribal community. Then ask your teen: “What’s the funniest thing you remember this week?” Silence is okay. Just being present for and with each other matters.
- Cultural recipe swap. Gather a couple of your treasured family or tribal community recipes. Get all the ingredients together and teach your youth how to make the dish. Add seasonal flair with paper snowflakes, family ornaments, or holiday tunes in the background. Ask your tween or teen grandchild to create a playlist that blends traditional and teen-friendly songs for cooking days.
- Bake for someone. Let your tween or teen choose a neighbor, extended family member, or community elder to bake cookies or bread for. Wrapping it together and delivering it builds empathy and belonging.
You Are Building Belonging
Building a secure, healthy attachment with your tween or teen relative means showing up, picking fun over fear when you can, and letting the laughter melt the walls. It doesn’t erase the complex history of trauma, prenatal substance exposure, or their losses. But it does create hopeful memory lines.
When you’re caring for a young relative in your home who is navigating big life stuff and they know you’ll BE WITH THEM and drag out the blankets, music, cookies, or hot cocoa, you’ve created a foundation of belonging.
So this winter, cue the music, pick an activity, and invite your tween or teen with a grin and a joke. Create moments that say, “We’re a team. We’re family. We laugh. We belong together.” You’ve got this—and together, you’ll build a connection that lasts.