When a parent struggles with substance use, it can shake the whole family. Often, grandparents, aunts, or uncles step in to raise the child. This is a loving and brave choice, but it is also painful. You may feel sadness, anger, or guilt as you take on this role. You may also feel torn about how to handle your relationship with your adult child, who is still the child’s parent.
We would like to suggest these ideas on how to protect the child, maintain connections when safe, and find support for yourself and your family.
Safety Comes First
Your first job is to keep the child safe. Children need a stable home, steady routines, and adults who will care for them every day. If this child’s parent is using substances, they may not be able to provide that stability.
As the caregiver, you may now be responsible for daily needs such as:
- A safe place to sleep
- Regular meals and doctor visits
- School or daycare attendance
- Time to play and relax
Another type of safety is emotional or felt safety. Children may feel confused or scared. It helps them feel safe when you give them simple, age-appropriate truths: “You are safe here. You are loved. Your parent is having a hard time, but it’s not your fault.”
Keeping Connection with Parents
Even if your adult child is struggling, they are still this child’s parent. When it can be done safely, keeping some connection between them helps the child feel loved and whole. It also leaves the door open for healing in the future.
Here are a few ways to balance connection with protection:
1. Set Boundaries
You may need to supervise visits or limit contact to phone calls, video chats, or messages. Keep boundaries clear and consistent. Safety is the priority.
2. Be Honest but Respectful
Try not to speak badly about the child’s parent. Children should feel free to love and respect their parents, even when those parents are struggling. Your honest but kind words build the child’s trust.
3. Encourage Treatment
Recovery is scary and difficult. Let your adult child or adult family member know you support their healing journey. Reassure them that their child is being well-cared for so they can focus on treatment.
4. Seek Counseling
Therapy can help you, your adult child, and your grandchild. Counseling provides tools for healthier communication, effective coping skills, and increased resilience.
Consider Legal Steps to Protect the Child
Sometimes you need legal rights to protect this child and make decisions about school (like enrollment or learning supports), or to seek medical care. Each state is different, so speak with a family lawyer or legal aid group. Your options may include:
- Guardianship – Allows you to make most decisions for the child.
- Custody – A court grants you full caregiving rights if the parent is unsafe.
- Power of Attorney – Lets you make certain decisions without full custody.
If possible, include the child’s parent in these conversations. Even minor updates can help them feel respected.
Getting Practical Help
Raising a child unexpectedly, or later in life, is not easy. It takes energy, time, and resources. You do not need to do it alone. Look for support in these areas:
- Financial help or food assistance
- Childcare and respite care
- Trauma-informed parenting classes
- Support groups for grandparents and kinship caregivers
- School resources like counseling or tutoring
- Mental health care for both you and the child
Creating a Family offers online support groups for kinship caregivers; to contact them, please email info@creatingafamily.org. Some legal clinics in North Carolina are free or low-cost.
Community and Cultural Strength
You are not alone in this journey. Many grandparents and relatives in Cherokee communities have stepped in when children need safety and love. Lean on your culture, language, traditions, and spiritual practices—they can be powerful sources of strength for both you and the child.
Here are some other trusted organizations that can help:
- National Alliance for Children’s Grief (NACG) – Helps children deal with big emotions.
- SAMHSA – Offers information and treatment support for families facing substance use.
- Generations United – Grandfamilies & Kinship Support Network – Focus on helping grandparents and kinship caregivers.
- Legal Options for Kinship Caregivers in NC – an interactive, self-guided learning site for kinship caregivers’ legal options by CreatingaFamily.org
Putting the Child First
Every decision—from legal options to setting boundaries—is about keeping the child safe and loved. This does not mean cutting out their parent forever. Instead, it means protecting the child now, while leaving space for healing later.
Children need the love of their caregivers, especially in hard times. With clear choices, steady support, and family strength, you can give your grandchild the stability they need.
A Future with Hope
Caring for your grandchild because their parent struggles with addiction is not what you planned. It is hard and heavy work. But it is also an act of deep love.
There will be hard days. But there will also be joy, growth, and the gift of seeing your grandchild thrive. Healthy outcomes are possible—both for your grandchild and, in time, for their parent too.
It is okay to lean on others. It is okay to ask for help. And it is okay to hold on to hope for your family’s healing.