A Relative Caregiver’s Guide to Back-to-School Time

Raising your grandchild, niece, nephew, or other relative and navigating their school experience with them can bring new and different challenges your way, especially if things are different than when you raised your own children. Whether it’s your first school year as this child’s main caregiver or you’ve done this before, here’s a short guide to help you support your child’s learning, connect with others, and care for yourself.

Understand School Support Plans

Many kids need extra help at school, especially if they’ve been through difficult experiences like living with parents who struggle with substance use disorders, or if they have learning or behavior challenges. If your relative child struggles in school, you might hear about IEPs or 504 Plans.

  • IEP (Individualized Education Program) – A plan for students who qualify for special education. It includes learning goals and services like speech therapy, reading help, or time with a behavior specialist.
  • 504 Plan – A plan for students who don’t need full special education but do need help. They might get extra time on tests or a quiet space to work.

Some schools also offer help through small groups, reading programs, or behavior support plans. If you’re not sure whether your child has a plan like this, ask their parent, the teacher, or the caseworker if they have one. You can also request a meeting with the school counselor or special education team to learn more.

Helpful Resources

These resources can help you educate yourself:

Get to Know the School Staff

This child’s teachers and school staff can be some of your best partners. The more you talk with them, the better they’ll understand the child’s needs—and the more support your family will get.

  • Introduce yourself to your child’s main teacher, school counselor, and special ed staff.
  • Ask how they prefer to communicate—email, phone, or school app.
  • Go to parent-teacher conferences and ask questions. You don’t have to know all the answers.

Most schools want families to be involved. Your presence shows that your grandchild has someone in their corner.

Help Your Child Build Friendships

Friendship is a big part of school life. Kids who’ve had big changes in their home life might struggle to feel like they fit in. You can help them find belonging in a few ways:

  • Ask who they like to sit with at lunch or work with on projects.
  • Set up chances to hang out with classmates outside school, like playdates or community events.
  • Encourage your relative child to join clubs or sports.

Remind them that good friends aren’t always the same age or in the same class—and sometimes, a kind adult can also be a friend.

When your child sees you being friendly with other adults, like at school events or meetings, they learn that it’s safe and good to build relationships.

Get Involved in the School Community

Even if you don’t know other parents or caregivers yet, showing up makes a big difference. Try to build a network of connections by:

  • attending Back-to-School Night or open houses
  • going to concerts, sports events, or school activities
  • volunteering in the library or classroom
  • joining the PTA or a school committee (you can just listen at first)

Getting involved helps you learn what’s happening at school and helps your child feel like you all belong.

Create Routines That Work for Your Family

Your relative child will feel secure and confident at home and do better in school when their days have a predictable rhythm. Morning and bedtime routines make things smoother for everyone.

Morning Tips:

  • Wake up at the same time each day.
  • Eat breakfast, pack backpacks, and check for notes.
  • Try to keep things calm and not rushed.

After-School & Bedtime Tips:

  • Offer a snack and break before homework.
  • Have a set homework time and quiet space.
  • Keep bedtime consistent and calm, even on weekends.

Try practicing the routine a week or two before school starts. If mornings are tough, teach them to prepare their backpacks and lay out clothes the night before.

Don’t Forget to Take Care of Yourself

Raising kids in the fast pace of today’s technology, school expectations, and other social pressures can be quite an adjustment, especially at the start of a new school year. It’s normal to feel tired, unsure, or overwhelmed.

Make time for yourself, even if it’s just a few minutes:

  • Take walks, read, or enjoy a hobby
  • Rest when you can
  • Reach out to local support groups or friends
  • Ask for help—from family, neighbors, or school staff

You deserve care, too. The better you feel, the better you can care for your grandchild, niece, or nephew.

You’re Not Alone

Back-to-school season can be a tremendous adjustment for all of you! You should not try to navigate it alone. Surround yourself with friends, extended family, teachers, counselors, and other supportive people who can be present with you and the children in your home.

With love, patience, and teamwork, your child can have a great school year—and you just might make a few new friends too.

Consider these additional resources to further support yourself and gain resources for a new school year.