Raising a grandchild or another young relative often means you may need additional creative ways to set them on a path to successful adulthood. When a child has experienced the trauma of being separated from their parents — due to substance use, unstable housing, or other crises – they may carry deep grief or heavy burdens from a young age.
As their caregiver, your love and commitment are powerful. But you cannot raise them in isolation. One of the best things you can do for this child — and for yourself — is to build a “circle of support” around them. This means introducing them to mentors: trusted adults who can walk beside them, encourage their growth, and model what a healthy, thriving life can look like.
Why Mentors Matter
These creative, diverse adults around your grandchild can make a significant impact on this child.
1. Children Need More Than One Anchor
When kids have experienced loss, change, or trauma, it’s vital they have more than one stable adult to lean on. As their grandparent or auntie/uncle, you’re already their rock. But there may be times when you need backup. Whether it’s someone to help with transportation, a safe sounding board for the child, or just a fresh perspective, mentors can help share the emotional load.
For example, your brother raised his niece from toddlerhood. When she entered middle school, he asked a retired teacher from the community to be her math tutor and a listening ear. That relationship grew beyond academics and now she’s in high school, thriving in all her math classes. AND she calls him “my extra Grandpa.”
2. Mentors Show Kids What’s Possible
Exposure to different adults helps children imagine a bigger future. Kids need to see what healthy, successful adults look like, especially if they didn’t have those examples before joining your home. Whether it’s a small business owner, a nurse, an artist, or a traditional knowledge keeper, mentors can help these grandkids dream bigger and stay motivated.
Here’s a tip: Ask local leaders or working adults in your tribal community if they’d be willing to have your child “shadow” them for a day or meet monthly to talk about goals or career interests.
3. Mentors Can Speak to the Heart in a New Way
Sometimes, kids hear things differently when they come from someone outside the family. A mentor may reach a teenager in ways even the most loving aunt or grandfather cannot. That doesn’t mean your role isn’t crucial – it IS! It just means mentors are another tool in your toolbox.
4. They Provide Safe Outlets and Positive Influences
Mentors can offer these children a safe space to vent, ask questions, or just relax. For kids who have experienced loss, chaos or their parents’ substance use, spending time with a calm, consistent adult can be incredibly healing. They learn, over time, that not all adults are unpredictable and that some show up, keep their promises, and care.
To make this practical, consider involving your grandchild in a community arts program, youth group, sports program or cultural exploration initiative. Look for adults who show patience, kindness, and accountability.
5. Mentors Create Backup When You Need Rest
As a caregiver, you deserve breaks. Knowing your grandchild has other trustworthy adults in their life gives you breathing room. Whether you’re managing health issues, work demands, or emotional exhaustion, these mentors can offer you peace of mind that this child is well-supported, even when you need to step back. Start slowly by coordinating a monthly “mentor night” where your relative child spends time with a trusted adult or group while you rest or recharge.
Where to Find Mentors in Your Community
The good news is that it’s very likely that you won’t have to look far. After all, great mentors aren’t just professionals in your community. They are everyday people who care. Here are a few places to start.
- Cultural programs and Elders’ circles – Invite Elders to share stories or skills with your child.
- School and sports staff – Teachers, coaches, or counselors may be open to mentoring informally.
- Church or spiritual communities – Many have youth leaders or family support volunteers.
- Local nonprofits or after-school programs – Ask if they offer mentoring or big sibling programs.
- Trusted extended family, friends, and neighbors – Sometimes mentorship can be as simple as regular walks with a wise auntie or visiting a family friend who listens well.
How to Maximize the Mentor Relationship**
Once you’ve found a mentor, here are tips to help the relationship grow:
1. Be clear about roles and boundaries.
It’s crucial to let these potential mentors know what kind of support will most help this child (homework help, cultural connection, emotional support).
2. Stay in communication.
Try to check in regularly with both your child and the mentor to make sure things are going well. Encourage them both to check in with each other also.
3. Let the child lead.
Not that your grandchild should have the final say over these big decisions but find a balance that works for you. Remember, forcing this child to be with someone they aren’t connecting with won’t benefit them much. However, keep at it while everyone is getting to know each other. Invite your child to spend time with mentors at their own pace and keep gaging their connection.
4. Express gratitude.
A simple thank-you goes a long way in helping mentors feel valued and stay involved. Teach your grandchild to express their gratitude as well – even if they start with a “scripted” thank you until they gain confidence with their own words.
Mentors Can Strengthen You and Your Grandchild
Raising this child can feel overwhelming and lonely. Remember that you are not alone, though! You’re part of a community that cares and wants you to succeed. Building that community around your child may require additional effort and intention. But it can be one of the greatest gifts you can offer to this precious child. These mentors don’t replace you. Rather, they walk alongside you, making the journey stronger and the path clearer for the child you love. Your grandchild deserves a circle of care. And you deserve support, too.