When you’re raising a grandchild, niece, nephew, or other young family members, you’re not just stepping in — you’re standing in the gap. Many of these kids carry heavy stories: trauma, abuse, family separation, prenatal substance exposure and more. You hold dear the community values that family is strength, and healing can be rooted in culture, connection, and community. How do you and your supportive community build those values and translate them into life skills that will set these children up to thrive?
Life Skills that Build Capability
As your grandchildren or nephews and nieces grow into young adulthood, the everyday life skills you teach—through your words, actions, and expectations—can set them up for a more stable and fulfilling future. You don’t need fancy resources. You need a network of support for yourself, love, consistency, and practical tools.
These simple activities and ideas will help you build strong life skills in areas that matter most.
1. Managing Money
Money lessons don’t have to be complicated. In fact, the best teaching often happens in real time.
- Use cash when possible and talk aloud about choices: “I’ve got $50 for groceries. Let’s see what’s most important.”
- Involve kids in planning and budgeting, even if it’s just for a birthday party or a trip to the store.
- Open a savings account or use a clear jar at home so they can see their savings grow.
- Teach needs vs. wants by asking questions like, “Is this something we need today, or something we want right now?”
- Teach the risks of debt vs. living within your means.
- Talk openly about the costs of things like car insurance, rent, or utilities. Try to talk about these issues from a position of confidence and security, with the goal of preparing them. Remember they may feel stress if they sense lack or scarcity.
2. Building a Work Ethic
Our work ethic is a mindset that gets shaped daily by our choices and values. It’s about more than just hard work—it’s about pride, commitment, and reliability. You don’t have to lecture. Just keep showing them that effort matters.
- Celebrate effort, not just success. “I saw how hard you tried, even though it was tough.”
- Expect them to finish what they start, whether that’s homework, a puzzle, or a school project.
- Let them struggle sometimes. Rescue less, coach more. Confidence grows when kids learn they can overcome difficulty.
- Connect values to actions. “In our family, we take care of what’s ours. That means we clean up after ourselves.”
3. Being a Good Employee
It’s common for kids with a history of loss, chaos, or trauma to struggle with structure, authority, or criticism. Preparing them for the workplace means teaching emotional and practical skills together.
- Start with chores – even at young ages. Feeding the pets, folding laundry, sweeping, and walking the dog can all be “starter jobs” that teach follow-through.
- Practice workplace behaviors at home, such as being on time, using respectful words, asking for help when needed.
- Teach them how to look for a job when they are ready. Show them where to find applications on websites, how to fill them out, etc.
- Role-play interviews and talk through common work scenarios like managing mistakes or managing stress.
- Model problem-solving when things go wrong. “Let’s think of a calm way to handle that,” goes a long way.
Don’t wait until they’re 18 or graduating from high school to talk about holding a job successfully. Start building those muscles now.
4. Creating Healthy Social Networks
Many kids raised in hard places long for connection, but they don’t know how to be a friend or manage friendships. They may also be vulnerable to people who take advantage of them. Buffer them from those risks when they are young, but as they grow, talk about how to protect themselves from unhealthy connections.
- Talk about your experiences with friendship – what works for you and what doesn’t.
- Let them see you working on the relationships you value and model what kind of friend you treasure.
- Help them identify what a good friend looks like: kind, trustworthy, respectful of boundaries.
- Encourage involvement in school clubs, community sports, church groups, or cultural events.
- Talk about peer pressure and how to say no without losing face.
- Praise healthy relationships. “I like how your friend treated you—that’s someone worth keeping close.”
- Help them build a “circle of safety” with peers and adults who lift them up.
5. Honoring Culture and Family of Origin: “Your roots are medicine.”
Even if their parents struggle to parent them well or be safe for them, your grandchild is likely to still love them deeply. Holding space for their love—while keeping them safe—is one of the most powerful things you can do to support this child while you raise them. To honor their family and your tribal culture, try these ideas:
- Tell family stories—not just the hard ones, but the good ones too. “Your mom was a good cook. You’ve got her hands.”
- Keep a photo nearby or write down family names and connections. Identity matters.
- Include them in tribal events, language classes, and cultural celebrations whenever possible.
- Teach them what it means to be Cherokee today—strong, resilient, wise, and connected to the land and people.
Let them know they are not broken—they are becoming. And their cultural connections can be a source of healing.
6. Promoting Physical and Mental Wellness
Kids who’ve experienced trauma may struggle with issues like sleeping, eating, managing emotions, and trusting adults. These aren’t bad behaviors; they’re survival responses. Teach them to thrive by:
- Sticking to daily routines—same bedtime, meals, and expectations. Safety starts with predictability.
- Modeling healthy habits like drinking water, taking walks, resting, etc. Invite them to join, without pressure.
- Giving words to emotions: “Looks like you’re frustrated. Want to talk or take a break?”
- Normalizing how to ask for help: “Sometimes we need a doctor or a counselor to feel better in our hearts and minds.”
If they need more support, don’t hesitate to ask your tribal leaders, health center, or school for additional resources.
You Are Not Alone
Raising someone else’s child is not easy. But you are doing sacred work. Every day you show up and every life skill you teach is a gift that lasts far beyond childhood. You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to be present for these children. Our people have always believed in the strength of community, the wisdom of elders, and the power of love to heal even the deepest wounds. You are planting seeds and someday your grandchild will become a capable adult who can face the world and be prepared to thrive.