Raising your grandchild, niece, nephew, or other young relative can be a blessing. However, it can also be challenging to navigate. When a child lives apart from their parent—especially due to addiction or substance use—it can create deep emotional stress for everyone involved. No matter how long they stay with you, you’re not just making sure this child is physically safe. You also have the responsibility to support their emotional and mental well-being.
Children Need to Feel Safe—and Loved
As this child’s caregiver, you need nurturing, practical ways to help them cope with their hard feelings while feeling loved and connected.
When children can’t live with their parents, they may feel sad, scared, angry, or confused. Even if they know they are in a safe space now, they might still miss their parent deeply. That’s normal. Your first job is to make sure the child is physically safe. But mental and emotional safety matter too. Children need to know:
- They are loved and wanted.
- It’s okay to talk about their parents.
- They don’t have to pick sides.
Even if this child’s parent is struggling, your grandchild likely loves them and wants to think of them as a good person. Their love doesn’t mean the child is unaware of the challenges. It means their heart is trying to make sense of something painful.
Respecting Their Connection to Their Parent
You may have strong feelings about this child’s parent, especially if their choices hurt your family. But for the child, honoring the bond with their parent is a necessary part of their healing journey. Here are some ways to support that bond, even from a distance:
- Talk respectfully about this child’s parent. When that feels impossible, choose to share your struggles with a safe friend or counselor who will understand your need to support the child’s feelings for their parent.
- You don’t have to pretend everything is fine. You might say, “Your mom is working on getting better. She loves you even when she makes mistakes.”
- Let them keep photos or small items. A photo next to their bed or a letter from their parent can offer comfort and a sense of connection.
- Help the child write letters, send texts or videos, draw pictures, or make crafts to give or save for their parent. Even if their parent can’t receive them now, these can help the child express love and hope.
- Create small rituals, like lighting a candle or saying a prayer for the parent before bed. This honors their feelings in a safe way.
Naming Hard Feelings
It’s normal for kids to feel many things at once: sadness, love, anger, guilt, worry, and even relief. It’s confusing for the child and it might be confusing for you, too. Their emotions might come out as:
- Tantrums or angry words
- Quiet sadness or sleep problems
- Trouble in school or with friends
You can help by gently naming and accepting their feelings. It will help them feel supported and less alone in their feelings.
- “It’s okay to miss your dad and still feel angry with him.”
- “You’re not bad for loving your mom. That’s your mom, and love doesn’t go away.”
- “I know this is confusing. I’m here to talk, or just to sit with you when it’s hard.”
When you talk about these hard feelings openly, you show that emotions are not shameful or dangerous. This child will learn that you can handle their feelings and they are safe with you.
Staying Connected from Far Away
Sometimes, in-person visits aren’t safe, or the parents are not allowed to have contact with their child. However, you can still help your grandchild or relative child feel close to their parents by trying some of these ideas:
Video or phone calls (if allowed)
Short, regular calls can bring comfort. Prepare the child ahead of time and be there to support them after.
Memory boxes
Help the child fill a box with items that reminds them of their parent. These can be pictures, notes, songs, or special objects. Allow the child access to the box whenever they need or want it.
Storytelling
Share good stories about the parent from when they were younger (if possible and appropriate). Kids love to hear that their parents were once little too. It’s also helpful to tell these stories in context of your extended family to help the child know they belong and are surrounded by many who love them.
Seasonal rituals and traditions
Honor family traditions the parent used to do, or that your tribal community does. These can be special meals or songs, attending cultural events and ceremonies, and so on. These activities also help the child feel that sense of belonging and continuity.
Caregivers Have Big Feelings Too
Give yourself permission to feel it all.
You may be grieving, angry, tired, or afraid. You might feel joy watching your grandchild grow and guilt about how things turned out. All of that is real and valid. Feel it all and let yourself process it in tangible ways.
- Talk to a trusted friend, elder, or counselor.
- Join a local support group or reach out to tribal services.
- Pray, walk in nature, create art, or find your own way to center your spirit.
Model Self-Care and Teach Wellness
Taking care of your mental health helps you care better for your family. You can model strength and balance for this child. Remember that kids will learn how to handle hard times by watching how you handle hard times! When you take care of your own mental and emotional health, you teach them to do the same.
Try to build healthy self-care habits:
- Keep regular meals and sleep routines.
- Practice calming techniques together like breathing, stretching, or smudging.
- Take breaks when you feel overwhelmed.
- Ask for help when you need it – this shows kids it’s okay to rely on others.
You can also invite your grandchild into calming or joyful moments. These happy, shared experiences can create strong emotional roots.:
- Taking walks or hikes
- Cooking traditional meals together
- Talking with community elders or faith leaders
- Gardening or gathering herbs
Supporting Their Mental Health Builds Hope
Raising your grandchild or other relative child isn’t always easy. It takes love, perseverance, patience, and wisdom. But you are giving them something powerful: the chance to heal and grow in a place where they feel safe and connected. Paying attention to their mental and emotional wellbeing isn’t just about stopping pain. It’s about growing hope and equipping them for peace.