In many tribal communities, raising children is a shared responsibility. Aunties, uncles, grandparents, cousins, and even close family friends who step in when parents cannot show extraordinary love, commitment, and community in action.
You likely are reading this article, on this site, because you are one of those relatives. Whether you are officially a guardian to a relative child or simply stepping in day by day, please know this: what you are doing is powerful. It’s also hard. And you deserve care, too.
Carrying a Sacred Role
Taking care of another person’s child, especially during times of change, grief, or struggle, is not something everyone is prepared to do. However, many relatives step in with strength and compassion and do it anyway. Changing your daily routine, making space in your home, shifting your plans, or stretching your resources can take quite a toll on you (and your partner or spouse if you have one).
You are not alone feeling tired, overwhelmed, or unsure. And these feelings do not mean you are failing. They mean you’re human. Learning why it’s crucial to take care of your own wellbeing (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) can make a world of difference for both you and the children you’re raising.
You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup
As a parent or a relative caregiver, you likely have experience at putting others first above your own needs. It’s part of the strength and compassion that prompted you to step up for this child. It’s also deeply ingrained in your community and tribal traditions. However, over time, giving and giving without rest can leave you feeling drained, even resentful. This can lead to burnout, depression, or physical health issues that make caregiving even harder.
Please understand that self-care isn’t about being selfish, pampered, or indulgent. Rather, it’s about keeping your spirit, mind, and body strong so you can keep showing up. Even small acts of caring for yourself can refill your cup and restore your balance.
Your wellness is not just the absence of illness. It’s also a balance between the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual parts of ourselves.
The Children Are Watching and Learning
When you care well for yourself, you can also teach the children crucial life skills, such as the importance of rest, the value of asking for help, and how to protect their health. You can show them that love includes healthy boundaries and balance.
Many Cherokee communities teach that wellness begins in the home and is passed down through observation. Your grandchildren learn resilience not only from what you tell them, but from what you live in front of them.
It’s Okay to Ask for Help
Whether you’ve been raising your relative’s child for weeks, months, or years, you don’t have to do it alone. There is strength in connecting with your community. Reaching out when you need support, rest, or resources is not weakness. It is a powerful act of care, for yourself and the child.
You Can Offer Lifelong Lessons
Many traditional teachings emphasize interdependence, not independence. For example, the Cherokee teaching of connections among extended family and the clan system emphasizes the ideas of shared responsibility, mutual care, and collective strength. When one member struggles, the community is meant to surround and uplift them.
Your grandchildren may not have had experience with this, or other teachings, in action. You have a unique opportunity to expose them to their cultural teachings and equip them with life lessons that will serve them for a lifetime.
You Deserve Wellness, Too
You matter. Your health matters. Your happiness matters.
In Part 2 of this series, we will offer practical tips to help you make self-care a regular part of your life. You can learn realistic, meaningful ideas to nurture your body, mind, heart, and spirit, even during busy days and limited resources.
Raising your grandchild, niece, or cousin may not have been part of your original plan. But your love and intentional efforts are shaping this child’s future. Take care of yourself, so you can keep taking care of them and prepare them for their future!