It is hard to watch a child you love get hurt by other children. Many caregivers feel worried, angry, sad, or helpless when they learn a child is being bullied.
Some children tell adults right away. Others stay quiet because they feel embarrassed, afraid, or unsure if anyone can help. Instead of talking about it, they may begin having stomachaches, trouble sleeping, mood changes, or problems at school.
Children who have experienced trauma, family stress, multiple placements, or loss may be especially affected by bullying. Hurtful words or actions can make children feel unsafe, unwanted, or alone.
The good news is that caring adults can make a big difference. Children heal best when they feel safe, supported, and connected to trusted adults.
Bullying Is More Than Kids Arguing
Children disagree sometimes. That is a normal part of growing up. Bullying is different.
Bullying is repeated behavior meant to hurt, scare, embarrass, or control another child.
Bullying may include:
- Name-calling or teasing
- Hitting, pushing, or damaging belongings
- Leaving a child out on purpose
- Spreading rumors
- Threats or intimidation
- Making fun of a child’s family, appearance, culture, or struggles
Bullying can happen at school, on sports teams, in neighborhoods, online, or even at home between siblings.
Young children may bully by hitting, grabbing toys, or refusing to let another child join in play.
Older children and teens may use gossip, humiliation, exclusion, or social pressure to hurt others.
Children connected to foster care, adoption, or kinship care may also face painful questions or comments about their families or personal history.
Cyberbullying Can Feel Constant
Today, many children spend time online talking with friends, playing games, or using social media. Unfortunately, bullying can happen there, too.
Cyberbullying is bullying that happens through phones, computers, gaming systems, apps, texting, or social media.
This may include, but is not limited to:
- Mean or threatening messages
- Hurtful comments online
- Sharing embarrassing photos
- Leaving a child out of online groups
- Fake accounts or rumors
Cyberbullying can feel overwhelming because children may feel like they cannot get away from it. Messages and comments can continue after school, late at night, or in private group chats that adults do not see.
Caregivers should take cyberbullying seriously. Emotional harm online is just as important to address as bullying that happens face-to-face.
When Bullying Happens Between Siblings
Brothers and sisters often argue. That is normal. But repeated teasing, threats, intimidation, humiliation, or physical harm is not healthy sibling conflict.
Children who have experienced trauma or stress may sometimes use hurtful behaviors to try to feel safe or in control.
Caregivers should pay attention to:
- One child seems afraid of another
- One child is often targeted or blamed
- There is repeated physical aggression
- A child is regularly humiliated or threatened
Children need adults to help create a sense of safety in the home. Calm, steady boundaries matter.
Signs a Child May Be Struggling
Not all children react to bullying in the same way. Some children become angry. Others become quiet or withdrawn. Some try hard to hide what is happening.
Warning signs may include, but are not limited to:
- Not wanting to go to school
- Headaches or stomachaches
- Trouble sleeping
- Mood changes
- Crying more often
- Falling grades
- Pulling away from friends or family
- Changes in eating habits
- Fear around phones or social media
- Negative talk about themselves
Pay attention to changes in behavior, even if a child does not directly ask for help.
How Caregivers Can Help
Stay calm and listen
If a child shares that they are being bullied, try to stay calm. Children need to feel safe talking with trusted adults. Listen carefully and thank them for telling you.
You might say:
- “I’m glad you told me.”
- “That sounds very hurtful.”
- “You do not deserve to be treated that way.”
- “We will work through this together.”
Avoid telling children to “just ignore it” or “toughen up.”
Children need support, not shame. Instead, gather information to help you understand the impacts. Try these gentle questions:
- What happened?
- Who was involved?
- How often does it happen?
- Where does it happen most?
If cyberbullying is involved, save screenshots or messages if possible.
Work with the school or other adults
Bullying often requires adult support and supervision. When it happens outside the home, start by reaching out to teachers, school counselors, coaches, or program leaders. Focus on helping the child feel safe and supported.
Ask specific questions to create a plan that helps your relative child feel safe, supported, and assured that you are working with the school.
- How will adults respond if this happens again?
- What supports are available?
- How can we work together to help this child feel safe?
Help Children Feel Safe and Connected
Bullying affects a child’s sense of emotional safety. Children of all ages may need extra support calming their bodies and emotions after difficult experiences, such as:
- Predictable routines
- Time together as a family
- Physical activity
- Counseling or therapy
- Encouragement and praise
- Healthy friendships and activities
These interventions remind your relative child that they are valued, loved, and not alone.
Take Mental Health Concerns Seriously
Bullying can increase a young person’s feelings of anxiety, sadness, hopelessness, or isolation. Some children may begin talking about wanting to disappear or hurt themselves.
Always take these statements seriously. Reach out to a mental health professional or crisis support if you are concerned about a child’s safety.
Helping Children Build Confidence and Resilience
No caregiver can prevent every hurtful experience. But strong relationships with caring adults help children recover and grow stronger.
Children benefit when caregivers:
- Stay connected and involved
- Teach healthy boundaries
- Encourage friendships
- Monitor online activity
- Celebrate children’s strengths and culture
- Remind children they are loved and valued
When children feel supported at home, they are more likely to ask for help when problems arise.
Most importantly, children need to know some adults will listen to them, protect them, and keep showing up for them, even during hard seasons.