If you’re raising a relative’s child, you are likely used to putting others first. You show up. You solve problems. You keep going, even on hard days.
But there is something many caregivers struggle with: being kind to themselves. Does that feel familiar?
What Is Self-Compassion?
Self-compassion means treating yourself with the same care and understanding you would offer someone you love. And we know that sounds simple. But it can feel hard to do!
Many caregivers have an inner voice that says:
- “I should be doing more.”
- “I shouldn’t feel this way.”
- “I need to be stronger.”
Self-compassion gently shifts that voice by saying:
- “This is hard, and I’m doing my best.”
- “It makes sense I feel this way.”
- “I deserve care, too.”
Why does self-compassion matter?
When you are hard on yourself, stress grows. But the good news is that when you are kind to yourself, your body can settle. Your mind can think more clearly. You have more patience for yourself and this child.
Self-compassion doesn’t mean lowering your standards. It means supporting yourself so you can keep going.
How to Practice Self-Compassion
1. Notice How You Talk to Yourself
Start by paying attention to your inner voice: when something goes wrong, what do you say to yourself?
Now ask yourself: “Would I say this to someone I care about?”
If the answer is no, that’s your starting point. Try softening the words you think or speak to yourself. Even a small shift can help.
2. Try Simple Mindfulness
Mindfulness means paying attention to the present moment without judging it. You don’t need special tools to be mindful in the moment.
You can start small with these suggestions:
- Take a slow breath in and release it even more slowly
- Notice your feet on the ground
- Look around and name five things you see
These tips can help your body feel calmer, even in the middle of a busy day.
3. Write It Out
Journaling can help you understand what you’re feeling. You don’t need perfect words or even full sentences. To get started, try writing what felt hard today, what you handled well, and what you need tomorrow. Putting these three thoughts on paper can make them feel lighter.
4. Speak Your Needs
Self-compassion includes being honest about what you need. Identifying and labeling your needs isn’t selfish. Try saying it to someone you can trust, especially when you are new to asking for support or help.
- “I need a break.”
- “I need help with __________.”
- “I need 15 minutes of quiet time.”
5. Stay Connected
Being around supportive adults can remind you of your worth. Try to surround yourself with people who listen without judgment, will encourage you, and can understand your role as this child’s caregiver.
You don’t need a large group of supportive adults – even one safe connection matters.
6. Make a Real Plan for Care
Think about what helps you feel steady, then start to lay out a simple plan. Target these three questions first if you need a starting point:
- “When will I rest? “
- “When will I move my body?”
- “When will I connect with someone?”
Write it down. Keep it visible. Treat it as something that matters — because it does.
7. Give Yourself Grace
There will be hard days raising this child. You will feel tired, frustrated, or unsure. A significant part of practicing self-compassion is giving yourself the same grace you would give a friend who is having a hard time.
Try saying things like this to yourself:
“I am still learning. I am still showing up. And that is enough for today.”
8. When You Need More Support
Sometimes self-compassion also means reaching out to someone safe who can walk with you, like a counselor, support group, or faith leader. You do not have to carry everything alone.
Self-Compassion is Not “Extra”
You are doing something meaningful in caring for this child. You are holding your family together. You are providing this child with safety and care, and setting them on a path toward healing. You deserve that same care, too.
Being kind to yourself is not extra. It is part of how you keep going.