Caring for your relative’s children—especially children who have been through hard things—takes a lot of energy, patience, and heart. Many caregivers are told, “Take care of yourself.”
But what does that really mean?
Self-care is not about pampering yourself with treats or rewards. It is about doing small, steady things each day that help your body and mind stay calm and strong.
And that matters—because when you are steadier, you can help your child feel steadier, too.
Self-Care Helps You Stay Calm
When your child is upset, your body reacts too. Your heart may race. Your voice may get louder. You may feel overwhelmed. And that’s normal.
But when you practice self-care every day, your body is better prepared for those hard moments.
- You can pause.
- You can breathe.
- You can choose how to respond.
Self-care helps you stay regulated. And when you are regulated, you can help your child.
Caring for Your Body
Your body is the first place stress shows up. Taking care of your body helps you stay calm and focused. So try to keep these basics steady:
- Sleep: Go to bed and wake up around the same time each day
- Food: Eat regular meals, even when you’re busy
- Movement: Take a short walk, stretch, or spend time outside
- Health care: Keep your own doctor visits when you can
These may seem simple, but they make a big difference. When your body is tired or hungry, it is much harder to stay calm when your child is not.
Caring for Your Mind and Feelings
Caregivers have big feelings too. You may feel stress, worry, anger, or sadness. Self-care means making space for those feelings instead of pushing them away.
You can try:
- Checking in with yourself: “How am I feeling right now?”
- Naming the feeling: “I feel frustrated” or “I feel tired.”
- Taking a short break: Step outside or sit quietly for a few minutes
- Talking to someone: A friend, family member, or counselor
You are not meant to handle everything alone. When you take care of your feelings, you stay present with this child.
Caring for Your Spirit
For many people, their strength comes from their beliefs, traditions, and community. So for you, this might look like making sure to:
- Pray, meditate, or do quiet daily reflections
- Spend time in nature
- Connect with your culture, faith group, or community
- Remember why you chose to care for this child
These moments can help you feel grounded and supported, even on hard days.
Building Simple Routines is Necessary to Self-Care
Routines help both you and your child know what to expect. They make daily life feel calmer and more predictable. Try to start with small, simple routines:
- A morning routine before school
- Regular mealtimes
- A calming bedtime routine
Be gentle with yourself when you start: your routines don’t have to be perfect. They need to be consistent. When you don’t have to spend time and energy to figure everything out each day, you save energy—and that helps you stay calm.
Making Space in Each Day’s Routines
Many relatives raising children from their extended family or community feel busy all the time. When every moment of the day is full, it’s hard to stay patient, isn’t it?
Instead, try to build small breaks in your day. This is called making margin. It’s leaving a little space to breathe, such as:
- Not over-scheduling your day
- Leaving extra time between activities
- Taking a few quiet minutes when you can
- Saying “no” when you are too full
Changing How We Think About Self-Care
Some caregivers feel guilty taking time for themselves. It’s not selfish to regularly schedule time to take care of yourself.
Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your family.
When you care for yourself:
- You have more patience
- You speak more calmly
- You stay connected to your child
- You show your child how to handle stress
Your child is learning from you every day. When they see you take care of yourself, they learn that it is okay to do the same.
Start Small and Keep Going
You don’t need a perfect plan. You need a place to start. Over time, these small steps add up. They help you feel stronger, calmer, and more ready for whatever the day brings:
- One small habit for your body (like eating regular meals)
- One small habit for your feelings (like a daily check-in)
- One small moment of quiet each day
Why This Matters
Your grandchildren or relative kids will learn how to handle big feelings from you and the other safe adults around them. When you take care of yourself, you are building the skills you need to stay calm. And when you stay calm, you can help your child feel safe and supported.
That is how self-regulation begins for you and this child.
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