Sometimes the strongest support in your home isn’t only the adults caring for the children. It’s the connection between those adults.
When relatives step in to raise children, daily life can quickly revolve around school meetings, doctor visits, court dates, and helping the kids heal from difficult experiences. In the middle of all that responsibility, it’s easy for adult relationships to drift into the background.
But strong adult partnerships are one of the most important supports a family can have. When the adults in a home feel connected, supported, and respected, the whole household feels steadier and more secure. Children notice that stability, even if they can’t put it into words.
Make Time for Each Other — Even in Small Ways
If you are raising a relative child with a partner or significant other, taking care of that relationship is not selfish. It’s part of caring for your family. The good news is that strengthening your relationship does not have to be expensive or complicated.
Practical ideas to carve out time together
Life can feel packed with responsibilities. Instead of waiting for the “perfect” free evening, look for small windows of time together.
You might:
- Sit outside together after the kids go to bed.
- Share coffee in the morning before the household wakes up.
- Take a short walk around the neighborhood.
- Watch a favorite show together once a week.
These small moments help you reconnect as partners, not just as caregivers managing a busy household.
If childcare or finances are tight, creativity helps. Some caregivers plan a quiet dinner together at home after the kids are asleep or trade childcare with another trusted relative or friend.
Talk Openly About Stress and Responsibilities
Raising your relatives’ children often brings additional emotional and financial pressures. One adult may handle most of the school communication, appointments, or paperwork. Over time, that imbalance of responsibilities can create tension.
Make space to talk honestly about how things are going. These conversations are not about blame. They help both adults feel seen and supported. Regularly checking in with each other can make these conversations into a rhythm that supports both of you, rather than another chore for your To Do list.
Try asking each other questions like:
- What feels hardest for you right now?
- What support would help you most this week?
- Is there something we could divide differently?
Work as a Team When Parenting Gets Tough
Children who have experienced loss, trauma, or instability sometimes have big feelings and challenging behaviors. You and your partner may not always agree on how to handle those moments.
Instead of arguing in front of the child, try to talk privately and decide on a plan together. Being on the same page helps everyone feel more secure and prevents children from feeling caught in the middle.
Try to assume the best of each other and remember that you are partners working toward the same goal: helping the child feel safe and supported.
Celebrate the Small Wins
Some days may feel like a long list of problems to solve. That’s why it’s important to notice what’s going right, such as:
- A child getting through a tough school day
- A calm bedtime
- A good conversation between you and your partner
- A problem solved together
Celebrations don’t have to be big. Sharing laughter, high-fiving in the kitchen, or quietly encouraging each other with a “we did it” moment can remind you that you’re a team.
Protect Your Time and Energy
Caregivers commonly put everyone else first on the priority lists, right? Over time, that can leave both adults in this relationship exhausted. But when both of you feel rested and supported, it becomes easier to handle the challenges of raising this relative child.
Protecting your energy might include:
- Setting a regular bedtime routine so evenings are calmer
- Saying no to extra commitments when life feels too full
- Scheduling short breaks together and individually when possible
- Encouraging each other to take personal time to recharge daily, even if it’s 15 minutes in the garden alone
Strengthening Your Relationship Doesn’t Have to Be Expensive
Many relative caregivers are raising children on tight budgets – you are not alone in that challenge! Strengthening your relationship does not require expensive dates or trips. You can find low-cost ways to connect, such as:
- Cooking a favorite meal together
- Eating dinner just the two of you, after the kids go to bed
- Listening to music and talking after the kids go to bed
- Sitting on the porch and watching the sunset
- Taking a drive together through the mountains or countryside
- Working together on a small home project or garden
Your deepening connection will grow from shared time, not from spending money.
Offer Each Other Grace
No one gets everything right all the time. Parenting children who have experienced loss or trauma can be emotionally demanding. There will be moments when one of you is overwhelmed, tired, or frustrated. In those moments, try to lead with kindness.
Simply saying, “I know this is hard” or “Thank you for everything you’re doing” can go a long way. Offering grace to each other helps keep your relationship strong during stressful seasons. And it’s an excellent model for the children you are raising together.
Start Small
If focusing on your relationship feels like one more thing on an already full list, start small. Choose one idea from this list and try it this week. Remember that your whole family will benefit from your strengthened relationship with your spouse or life partner. By caring for this significant adult relationship, you are building a foundation that supports both you and the children you love. That steady foundation helps everyone in the family move forward together.