Raising kids has never been simple — and today’s world brings some challenges many caregivers didn’t face growing up. Marijuana and vaping are easier to hide, easier to get, and often seen by young people as “not a big deal.”
Don’t Underestimate Your Influence
If you are raising a relative tween or teen, you may already be hearing about these substances from school, social media, or other families. It can feel frightening. But the good news is that you can still have a strong influence on this young person’s choices. The relationship you build with them is one of the best protections they have against marijuana, vaping, and other risky behaviors.
Most young people are curious. Their brains are still developing, and they are wired to try new things, take risks, and fit in. When stress, peer pressure, or exposure to substance use is added, the temptation can grow.
The good news is this: steady support, honest conversations, and connection go a long way.
Some Youth May Have Higher Risk
Children who have lived through trauma, big losses, or early stress sometimes carry those experiences in their bodies and brains. Some may act more on impulse or have a harder time managing strong emotions.
Genetics can also play a role. If substance use exists in a child’s family history, it may increase their risk — but it does not decide their future.
It helps to remember that substance use is usually not about this young person being “bad.” Often, it is about coping, curiosity, or wanting to belong.
Your steady presence in their lives matters more than perfect parenting. Showing up, paying attention, and staying connected all make a real difference.
Substance Use Doesn’t Look the Same Anymore
Harder to Spot or Smell
You may remember a time when cigarette smoke or the smell of marijuana made it easier to spot. Today, it is often much harder to detect.
Marijuana and nicotine now come in forms that can be easy to miss: vapes, flavored edibles that look like candy, oils, or small nicotine pouches. Some vaping devices even look like pens or flash drives.
Stronger Formulas
Another concern is strength. Marijuana products today can contain much higher levels of THC than in past decades, which can lead to stronger effects on a developing brain.
Risk of Addiction & Long-Term Damage
Many youth believe vaping is harmless. But nicotine is highly addictive, and vaping can damage lungs and affect long-term health.
Some kids use these products without fully understanding what they are putting into their bodies.
How to Build Protection Before There Is a Problem
The strongest protection for any young person is feeling connected — to caregivers, to community, and to who they are. Here are a few ways to strengthen the connection:
1. Open conversations help.
And you do not have to wait for something to happen. Talk about substances in everyday moments, like after hearing a song or noticing something in public. Ask what they think. Listen without rushing to correct.
Young people are safer when they know they can come to you without fear.
2. Connection to culture is another powerful protective factor.
Time spent with extended family, participation in cultural gatherings, learning traditions, listening to elders, storytelling, language, crafts, music, or time on the land can all help youth feel grounded in who they are. When kids feel a strong sense of identity and belonging, they are often better able to make healthy choices.
3. Structure also helps.
Knowing where your child is, who they are with, and what their plans are creates safety. Predictable routines, regular waking and sleeping times, family meal time, and consistent household expectations all work together to create safety, too.
4. Encourage activities that build confidence.
For some kids, that’s a sports team. But consider also events like volunteering, church or faith involvement, art or music lessons, cultural events, and simply spending time with supportive adults.
5. Your presence is a protection against substance use.
Even if they act like they don’t want you around, stay involved. Your steady presence still matters more than they may show.
What Caregivers Might Notice
There is rarely one clear sign that a child is using substances. More often, caregivers notice small changes over time.
You might see shifts in mood, appetite, or energy. Some youth become more anxious or irritable. Others pull away from family, struggle in school, or lose interest in activities they once enjoyed.
Trust your instincts. If something feels different, it is worth paying attention.
What to Do When You Notice
Try to begin with curiosity instead of fear. A calm tone helps keep the door open. You might say something like:
“I’ve noticed you don’t seem like yourself lately. I care about you and want to understand what’s going on.”
If You Discover Use, Try to Stay Grounded
Finding out your young person has tried vaping, marijuana, or any other substance can bring up fear, anger, or even shame. Take a breath before responding.
Seek partnership.
Harsh punishment can sometimes shut down communication. Instead, aim for a cooperative tone:
“We will figure this out together. It’s you and me against the substance — not you against me.”
Focus on safety and learning rather than blame.
If you are concerned about this young person’s use, reaching out for support is a strong step. Pediatricians, counselors, and behavioral health providers can help guide families. Early support can prevent deeper struggles later.
Try to remember — experimentation does not define your child, and it does not mean you have failed as a caregiver.
You are not alone — many families walk this road. Try to offer yourself the same grace you offer this tween or teen.
Your Steady Message Matters
Young people do best when home feels safe, predictable, and caring. You don’t have to handle every conversation perfectly. What matters most is being present, staying open, and continuing to show love.
Keep the message clear and simple: you care about their health, you are paying attention, and you will walk beside them as they grow.
That kind of support lasts long after the teen years.