Raising a tween or teen relative in your home can feel very different from caring for a younger child. Bodies are changing, emotions can feel bigger, and independence starts to matter more. For relative caregivers — grandparents, aunts, uncles, older siblings, or cousins — this stage can raise new questions: Is this typical teen behavior, or is something more going on?
Mood swings and stress are part of growing up. But when sadness, worry, or withdrawal last a long time or interfere with school, relationships, or daily life, a young person may need extra support. Learning the signs of anxiety and depression can help you respond with calm, confidence, and care.
Why Tweens and Teens Are More Vulnerable
During the tween and teen years, young people experience rapid brain development, hormonal changes, and increasing social pressure. They may be dealing with:
- Academic stress and expectations
- Social media and peer comparison
- Identity questions
- Grief, family changes, or trauma
- Pressure to “act grown” before they feel ready
The parts of their brains that manage emotions develop faster than the parts that manage decision-making and impulse control. This means teens can feel deeply before they know how to explain or manage those feelings.
How Anxiety Often Shows Up in Tweens and Teens
Anxiety in older children may look different from that in younger ones. Instead of clinginess, you may see avoidance, irritability, or physical complaints.
Signs to watch for include:
- Constant worry about school, friendships, performance, or the future
- Avoiding activities they used to enjoy, such as sports, clubs, or social events
- Strong reactions to stress, such as panic, anger, or shutting down
- Physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or fatigue with no apparent medical cause
- Trouble sleeping, including racing thoughts at night
- Perfectionism or fear of making mistakes
Some anxious teens try hard to hide their worries, especially if they feel pressure to be “strong” or “grown up.”
How Depression Can Look in Tweens and Teens
Depression in teens does not always look like sadness. It often shows up as changes in behavior, motivation, or personality.
The common signs include:
- Ongoing irritability, anger, or frustration, especially over minor things
- Loss of interest in activities, hobbies, or friends
- Low energy or saying they feel tired all the time
- Changes in sleep or appetite – too little or too much
- Withdrawing from family, spending much more time alone
- Drop in school performance or loss of motivation
- Negative self-talk, such as “I’m not good at anything” or “Nothing matters.”
Your tween or teen relative may struggle to put feelings into words. Some show depression through silence or acting out rather than tears.
What’s the Difference Between “Teen Moodiness” and a Concern?
It’s a valid question! To help you figure out what’s going on, consider asking: “Is this mood or behavior getting in the way of their daily life?”
Moodiness usually comes and goes. On the other hand, anxiety or depression tends to:
- Last weeks or months, not days
- Affect school, sleep, relationships, or health
- Change how the teen sees themselves or the world
If you notice several signs lasting over time, it’s worth paying closer attention.
How Caregivers Can Support Tweens and Teens
You don’t have to have all the answers. What matters most is maintaining a safe connection with this young person.
1. Keep Communication Open
Teens may not talk right away — but they notice when adults are available. So try statements such as, “I’ve noticed you seem more stressed lately. I’m here if you want to talk,” or “You don’t have to figure this out alone.”
Avoid rushing to fix things. Listening builds trust.
2. Normalize Big Feelings
Let them know that anxiety and sadness are common — and asking for help is okay. When you say, “A lot of people struggle with this,” it reduces shame and fear.
3. Watch Patterns, Not Just Moments
Everyone has bad days. What matters is what happens over time. Keeping notes can help you see changes clearly.
4. Partner With School and Health Supports
School counselors, teachers, pediatricians, and mental health providers are essential allies. Early support can prevent problems from getting bigger.
When to Seek Extra Help
It’s crucial to reach out for professional support if you observe these signs or symptoms:
- Lasting more than a few weeks
- Getting worse
- Interfering with school, sleep, or relationships
And remember, if this young person talks about harming themselves, feeling hopeless, or not wanting to be here, please seek help right away from a healthcare provider or crisis service.
You Don’t Need to Be Perfect. Be Present!
Raising a tween or teen comes with challenges — especially when you step in as a relative caregiver during their family’s time of crisis or loss. Your presence, patience, and willingness to notice their emotional well-being matter deeply.
You don’t have to be perfect. Showing up, staying curious, and reaching out for support are influential acts of care. With steady adults around them, tweens and teens can learn how to manage complex emotions and grow into resilient young adults.
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