When your tween or teen relative can no longer live safely with their parents, moving to a relative’s home can bring many mixed feelings. They may feel relief, fear, anger, or guilt. The feelings are mixed for you, too: uncertainty, hope, or even overwhelm. All of these emotions are normal. The good news is that there are clear steps you can take to help an older child feel safe, respected, and valued as they settle into your home.
Practical Tips to Help You Welcome a Tween or Teen Relative
These practical strategies will help you build trust, set healthy routines, and talk openly in ways that support the child and your family.
1. Create a Welcoming Space
Older kids and teens need to feel like they belong, not like a guest who could be asked to leave at any time. One of the most powerful messages you can send is: “This is your home now, too.”
Give them a personal space.
If possible and space permits, set up their own bedroom or part of a shared room that they can control. Include basic bedding, a small lamp, and a place to keep private items. You do not need to spend a lot of money. What matters is that the child knows this space is theirs.
Have hygiene items ready.
Tweens and teens need toiletries that fit their age and style, such as deodorant, shampoo, lotion, period products, a comb or brush, and a toothbrush. You might also offer a small gift card to a local store so they can choose their own items. This helps them feel respected and shows that their preferences matter.
Keep routines simple at first.
You may already have household routines around meals, TV use, laundry days, and so on. Introduce these slowly. Let your tween or teen relative watch and learn rather than correcting them right away.
2. Talk About Their Parents with Care and Respect
Your older relative child may feel stuck between loving their parents and feeling hurt by them. They may worry about betraying their parents by bonding with you. As a caregiver, you can support them with honest, gentle conversations.
Use simple, truthful language.
Avoid blaming or judging. Instead of saying, “Your mom didn’t care enough,” try: “Your mom is dealing with challenges that make it hard for her to keep you safe right now.”
Let them take the lead.
Some teens want to talk right away; others stay quiet. Both are normal. Let them know you are available whenever they are ready.
Allow big feelings.
They may feel anger, sadness, or confusion. You can say: “It’s okay to feel more than one thing at the same time. I’m here to listen.”
Stay consistent.
This tween or teen relative will feel safer when the adults around them keep the stories stable. If you can, talk honestly with social workers or family members to share accurate, respectful information. Consider this young person’s voice in these stories and how they want to share – or not – what’s going on with people outside of their safe adults.
3. Set a Small Number of Clear House Rules
Tweens and teens thrive when expectations are clear but not overwhelming. Instead of a long list of rules, start with a few basics:
- Respect people and property.
- Keep yourself safe.
- Tell the truth.
- Communicate about where you are and who you’re with.
Explain that these rules are meant to protect everyone in the home, not to control or punish. You can also say: “These rules may change once we get to know each other better. We can adjust them as we settle into a routine.”
You will help them feel seen and considered in family decisions. You also give them a sense of control during a time when many things feel beyond their control.
4. Invite Them to Invite Their Friends
Social life is a significant part of a teen’s identity. Allowing them to welcome friends, classmates, cousins, or teammates into your home helps them feel normal and connected. It’s also okay to set boundaries ahead of time, such as:
- “Friends are welcome after school until dinner.”
- “Let me know who is coming and when.”
- “Certain rooms are private.”
This shows that their social life is important, while also keeping your household secure. When friends do come to the house, take time to get to know them. A quick hello, offering a snack, or asking about school can help you understand the people who influence this tween or teen’s life.
5. Build Trust Through Small, Consistent Actions
Building trust will take time. This tween or teen may have experienced broken promises, unsafe adults, or sudden changes. Trust in you will grow from repeated, reliable actions over time.
Follow through on your word.
If you say you will pick them up at 5:00, be there. If something changes, communicate clearly.
Give choices whenever possible.
Choices build self-trust, capability, and trust in your care.
- “Would you like spaghetti or chicken for dinner?”
- “Do you want to do homework at the table or in your room?”
- “Do you want to talk now, or later tonight?”
Share small parts of your life.
Tell them about your day, your interests, or a funny moment at work. This shows you are a real, steady adult interested in a lasting connection.
Connect through culture and community.
In this tribal community, culture, land, and community are powerful sources of identity and strength. If appropriate, involve your tween or teen relative in cultural events, language learning, community gatherings, or family traditions. Connection to culture builds confidence and a sense of belonging.
Offer comfort items.
A soft blanket, a favorite snack, or a predictable bedtime routine creates a sense of safety.
6. Expect Ups and Downs
The shift to a new home is huge. Even when this tween or teen is grateful for the safety you offer, they may test rules, withdraw, or have emotional outbursts. This is not a sign of failure. Remember that they are seeking your calm, steady presence, which offers a consistent, predictable foundation.
When things get tough:
- Keep your voice steady.
- Pause before reacting.
- Remind them that conflicts do not change your commitment to them.
- Focus on problem-solving rather than punishment.
You can say, “We will get through this together. I’m not going anywhere.”
Perfection is Not the Goal
Welcoming this tween or teen into your home is a loving act of strength, commitment, and nurture. The transition takes time, but with honesty, patience, structure, and warmth, you can create a stable space where the child feels safe to grow. Remember: you do not have to be perfect. You need to show up, keep your word, and offer steady support.