When you’re raising a relative’s teen in your home, especially when that teen couldn’t live safely in their parents’ home, you may face unique challenges. One of the big ones today is screens: phones, tablets, gaming, social media. It can feel like you’re fighting a wave you don’t fully understand. But you don’t have to go it alone. Here are some ideas you can use to talk openly with your teen, build trust, and help them use screens in healthier ways.
Tips to Help You Talk to Your Teen About Screen Use
1. Begin with a genuine conversation.
Before you issue rules or limits, start with connection.
Sit down together and say: “I want to know what you do on your phone. I want you to know I care about you and want to help you be safe and strong.”
Setting that kind of tone opens the door and gives each of you a voice. Your grandchild (or niece or nephew) must know that you want to guide them, not try to control them.
To reinforce that tone, try asking questions such as:
- What games or apps do you like?
- Can you show me how it works?
- What do you enjoy doing online when you’re with friends?
- Has anything online ever made you feel uncomfortable or worried?
By doing this, your teen will feel heard and respected, which are the first steps for healthy communication.
2. Build a family tech plan together.
Consider how you and this young person can make a plan together. Include issues such as how much time on screens, when, what kinds of apps, and the “no-screen” times for your home.
A few examples might include:
- Homework and dinner are screen-free.
- Please charge phones in the kitchen overnight.
- Rated R or M games and apps are not acceptable right now.
Write the plan down together and post it where everyone can see it. This centers your agreements, fairness, and clarity in these conversations. And reinforces your role as a caregiver and their role as a teen.
3. Be aware of special risks today’s youth face.
If the teen you’re raising has experienced trauma, separation, prenatal substance exposure, or other challenges, they may be more vulnerable online. Kids with trauma or attachment issues can be more drawn to screens, more affected by what they see, and may use screentime to escape big feelings. That means your tech plan matters even more.
Educate yourself about the risks of things like (but not limited to):
- Late-night scrolling
- Online gaming that replaces real connection
- Body image
- Social pressures to fit in
Observe your young adult’s patterns and habits. Ask yourself whether they are using screens or devices to help them forget or feel better. If this concerns you, check in! They may be at higher risk for depression, sleep struggles, and other mental health challenges.
4. Teach online safety and privacy.
Raising teens also means guiding them on how to use the online world, not just how much. Establish a few safety rules, such as:
- Never share personal details: address, phone number, school.
- Don’t post or share photos/videos that you’d feel bad about later.
- Teach them how to block or report people who bully or make them feel unsafe.
- Talk about peer pressure and practice how to respond to it.
You might say: “I know you have friends on this game/app — that’s good. But let’s pick times when you play together, and times when you pause and just be offline.” That way, you’re not taking it away; you’re teaming up to protect.
5. Model these healthy habits.
Teens watch what we do more than listen to what we say. If you sit with your phone at every dinner, they think “that’s how you do it.” so consider what habits you could change to be consistent in your actions and your words:
- During dinner, put your phone away.
- Charge your devices in the kitchen with theirs.
- Model what a break from screen looks like: reading a book, taking a walk together, having a face-to-face conversation.
- Talk openly: “I’m going to put my phone down for 30 minutes now so we can talk,” to help them feel you’re equally invested in connection.
6. Focus on connection more than perfection
The goal isn’t perfect tech behavior. It’s to build a safe, trusting relationship and a real-life balance.
Setting screen time rules and online safety guidelines isn’t just about control — it’s about building trust and connection with the child you are caring for. So when a rule gets broken, you could say: “Okay, we need to revisit our plan. What happened? How can we fix it together?”
7. When things get tough, reach out
If your grandchild experiences something online that scares them or hurts them (bullying, stranger contact, body image pressure, major sleep troubles, etc.), try to take action.
Try a check-in: “You seem tired lately. Are you staying up late with your phone? Are your thoughts keeping you awake?” You might need to consider professional help, and your pediatrician or a school guidance counselor can direct you to the right resources.
Leading with Love
You hold a strong leadership role in this young person’s life. Guiding them to a healthy relationship with their online world will require consistency, patience, and compassion for their experiences. With open talk, shared planning, safety teaching, and good role-modeling, you can guide your teen to use screens in a way that supports their growth and builds a connection between you.