If it feels like the kids start acting up the minute the decorations go up—you’re not imagining it. The holidays can bring out big emotions in everyone, especially children who’ve been through hard times. Whether you’re raising your grandchild, niece, nephew, or another relative, you’re not alone if things feel extra chaotic this time of year.
Between family gatherings, school events, and community celebrations, it’s easy to feel stretched thin. Kids may be sugared up, out of routine, and showing behaviors that seem to come out of nowhere. The good news is that with a bit of planning and patience, you can make the holidays calmer and more meaningful for everyone.
7 Tips to Handle the Holidays as a Kinship Family
1. Adjust Your Expectations
We often picture the holidays as peaceful and perfect, with smiling families, big meals, and cozy gatherings. But real life doesn’t always match those pictures, and that’s okay. You don’t have to do everything the way you used to, or the way others expect you to.
Ask yourself what matters most this year. Which traditions bring joy, and which cause stress? If something like visiting too many homes in one day or expecting perfect behavior at every event sets your grandchild off, it’s okay to simplify. You might skip a few things or celebrate in smaller ways that fit this child’s needs this year.
It’s normal to feel sad about letting go of certain traditions. Talk about those feelings with someone you trust, and remember that you can always bring those traditions back in the future. For now, focus on what helps your family feel safe and connected.
2. Anticipate Stressors and Triggers
Think about what tends to overwhelm your relative child. Do loud noises stress them? Or do they struggle to control themselves in a large gathering? Do changes to routine set them off? Once you notice these patterns, you can plan.
- If your child gets tired or cranky easily, make sure they get rest and regular meals, even when schedules are busy.
- If certain relatives tend to ask too many questions, you might gently ask them ahead of time to keep things light.
- If your child misses their parents or traditions from their home, talk about it together. Maybe you can include one of their old traditions, like a favorite song or food, in your celebrations.
These small steps show your grandchild (or niece or nephew) that you see them and care about how they feel. That connection matters more than any perfect party.
3. Understand the “Why” Behind the Behavior
When this child’s behavior starts to spiral, try to pause before reacting. Ask yourself what might be behind it. Are they tired, hungry, anxious, or feeling left out? Are they missing someone or unsure of what’s happening next?
Often, challenging behavior is a child’s way of saying, “I’m overwhelmed.” They aren’t trying to ruin the holiday. They’re struggling to manage their big feelings with limited tools. Remind yourself: This child is not giving me a hard time. They are having a hard time.” Then respond with calm and empathy when you can.
4. Keep Routines Where Possible
The holiday season can turn schedules upside down! There are class parties, winter break, visitors in the house, late nights, special foods, seasonal music, and more. But remember that kids who’ve experienced stress or trauma often rely on routines to feel safe.
So, try to keep things predictable where you can, like bedtimes, quiet times, or family meals. Even if your week is full of events, holding onto familiar routines gives your relative child a sense of stability when everything else feels different.
5. Watch for Sensory Overload
The sights, sounds, and smells of the season can be fun for some but overwhelming for others. Flashing lights, loud music, strong scents, or scratchy clothing might bother your grandchild more than you realize.
Think about how this child reacts to stimulation and make gentle adjustments. Maybe fewer decorations, shorter visits, or quiet breaks during a noisy event will help. You might say, “Let’s take a few minutes outside,” or “You can rest in the other room if you need a break.”
Creating a “calm-down corner” at home or bringing comfort items (like a favorite blanket or toy) to gatherings can also help this child feel safe.
6. Prepare Your Grandchild — and Others
Before big events, talk with your grandchild about what to expect: who will be there, how long you’ll stay, and what they can do if they feel overwhelmed. Show pictures of people they’ll see, or role-play how to greet relatives and answer common questions.
You can also talk with friends or family ahead of time about this child’s needs. Let them know what helps the child feel calm, or that they may need a break now and then. This helps avoid misunderstandings and keeps gatherings more peaceful for everyone.
If you sense your kinship child getting overstimulated, step away together for a few minutes. It’s okay to leave early or take a walk outside. Their well-being matters more than meeting others’ expectations.
7. Make Time for Connection
When schedules get busy, it’s easy to miss the everyday moments that build closeness. Try to find small, meaningful ways to connect with your grandchild. It might be sharing hot cocoa before bed, watching a favorite show together, or inviting them to help cook or decorate.
Even ten or fifteen minutes of undivided attention can help them feel grounded and secure. These moments remind them that no matter how hectic things get, they belong and are loved.
Remember: The Season Will Pass
For some families, the holidays feel joyful and warm. For others, especially those caring for children who’ve been through painful loss or big changes, it can feel more like a minefield of emotions.
You’re not failing if your holidays don’t look picture-perfect. By adjusting expectations, watching for triggers, and focusing on connection, you’re giving your relative child what they need most: your presence, patience, and love.
And remember, this season, like all seasons, will pass. The school schedule will return, the noise will quiet down, and the stability you build will last long after the decorations are packed away.