When your grandchild or another young relative says they don’t want to go to college, you might feel a mix of emotions, such as worry, confusion, sadness, or even relief. Whatever you think, it’s okay. You’ve already carried a big load helping them get this far. Their next steps might look different from what you expected, but that doesn’t mean they can’t build a good, meaningful life.
Take Time to Listen
Many teens today are taking new routes after high school that don’t include college or trade school — and that’s okay. With your steady love and encouragement, your teen can find a path that works for them, whether it’s a trade, job, military service, or community program.
Before reacting, take a deep breath and ask a few gentle questions, like these:
- “What are you thinking about doing next?”
- “What do you enjoy or feel good at?”
- “What makes college feel wrong for you right now?”
- “What path feels right for you—and how can I support you?”
Your teen might not be ready for college yet, or they might be unsure what they want to do. That’s normal. The world looks different for today’s young people. The cost of college is higher than ever, and many jobs don’t require a degree. Some teens need more time to figure things out or build confidence before taking on such a commitment.
The key is to listen to their thoughts and feelings and then help them find direction and purpose.
5 Ways to Support Your Teen on a Different Path
1. Help them build life and work skills.
Whether your teen wants to work, train for a trade, or start a business, they’ll need strong life skills. They should focus on learning how to manage their time, arriving on time for appointments and interviews, handling their finances effectively, and following through on commitments.
Please encourage them to use a simple planner or phone calendar to keep track of work hours, bills, or appointments. These small habits build responsibility and confidence that are foundational to succeeding as adults.
A practical application of these skills could be asking them to plan one family meal a week, including all the shopping, cooking, and cleaning up. Real-life practice matters more than lectures.
2. Model and encourage strong social skills and connections.
Good communication and teamwork are just as important as technical skills. Encourage your young adult to volunteer, help a neighbor, or join a youth or cultural program. Participating in a community program, such as a food pantry, animal shelter, or youth event, can help build confidence and potentially lead to job opportunities.
EBCI’s Education & Training Program and the Youth Employment Program are local resources that can connect teens with mentors, apprenticeships, and work experience. Surrounding this young person with healthy models and mentors teaches them the value of connection, community, and ongoing learning.
3. Support your grandchild’s self-discovery.
Teens learn a lot about themselves when they try new things. Encourage them to take a part-time job, volunteer, or explore a trade or creative skill. Each experience helps them learn what makes them feel proud, capable, and motivated.
Talk about all the paths they could explore. Here are a few examples to consider together:
- Trade or vocational schools – Offer hands-on training for good jobs in fields like health care, auto repair, welding, or cosmetology.
- Apprenticeships – “Earn while you learn” programs that pay teens to gain skills. Check ApprenticeshipNC for opportunities near Western NC.
- Community colleges – Affordable, flexible programs that let students start small and build toward a degree later.
- Military service or public service – Offers structure, job training, and benefits for those who feel drawn to serve.
- Entrepreneurship – Teens can turn a hobby or skill into a small business with help from organizations like Mountain BizWorks.
4. Focus on this young person’s strengths and resilience.
Not everyone learns best from books—and that’s okay. Some teens shine in music, art, mechanics, or caring for others. Celebrate what your grandchild is good at instead of comparing them to others.
Remind them that success isn’t one-size-fits-all. A teen who’s great with tools, animals, or people can thrive as an adult just as much as one who loves textbooks.
Encouraging their strengths helps them stay confident and bounce back when life gets hard.
5. Create a realistic plan together and be flexible.
It’s crucial to find the balance between supporting your teen and giving them independence as they prepare for adulthood. Talk openly about what’s realistic:
- Will they work full- or part-time?
- How long can you provide housing or transportation help?
- What expectations will you set for chores, money, or using the car?
Be flexible to respond to changes as they navigate the path – modeling for them how to respond thoughtfully and intentionally to changes in their plan.
There are no perfect answers—only what works for your family. Setting gentle but clear boundaries teaches responsibility and helps your relative grow into adulthood with confidence.
When the Path Looks Different
Choosing not to attend college right now—or ever—doesn’t mean your young person is giving up on themselves. It might simply mean they will be taking a different route to achieve the same goal: a fulfilling life full of purpose, stability, and pride.
Ask your grandchild: “What kind of life do you want to build?” Then remind them that you believe in their ability to achieve their goals.
Here are several resources that can help you navigate with your young adult:
- mikeroweWORKS Foundation – Scholarships for trade and technical training.
- Please Stop Asking Me Why My Kid Isn’t Going to College
- Seven Reasons Skilled Trades May Be the Best Path for Your Teen
The Goal is Finding the Right Path
When your teen’s path doesn’t include college, it’s not a dead end—it’s just a fork in the road. Your goal is to offer steady love, encouragement, and belief in their abilities, so they feel ready and equipped to build a strong future for themselves.
You’ve already taught them the most important lessons—how to care, work hard, and keep going. Whatever road they take, they know they won’t be walking it alone.