While raising this young toddler or school-aged child in your home, you have a special opportunity to help them feel safe, loved, and strong. One of the best gifts you can give them is a secure attachment. This bond tells your grandchild (or nephew or cousin): “You matter. I’m here for you.” This child deserves to experience the joy of childhood. The good news is that grandparents and relative caregivers can create secure attachments and lasting memories to help this child thrive!
What Is Secure Attachment and Why It Matters
Secure attachment means a child trusts that an adult will care for them, listen to them, and be there for them when things are hard. Children with secure attachments tend to develop better self-worth, greater confidence, and healthier relationships. Even if your family member has had difficult times, you can build a strong bond through patience, consistency, and caring actions.
Experts highlight a few simple but powerful steps to strengthen this bond. Be present and available, with as few distractions as possible. Delight in this child by playing, laughing, and smiling together, not just correcting or teaching them. Notice their feelings, help them name big emotions, and stay close when they’re upset. You can also follow their lead by learning about what excites them and joining them in the activity. And, finally, providing structure with routines and limits builds attachment. Children feel safe when they can predict the patterns and rhythms of their environments.
Creative, Fun Activities to Build Connection
All those ideas matter, but you may be asking, “How do I do this in our everyday life?” Here are just a few playful activities drawn from child development experts that you can adapt in your home:
- Hide & Seek: Simple, classic, and always a hit. Safe hiding and seeking (usually without startling or scaring the child) can build trust and create moments of joyful discovery.
- Face Painting or Silly Drawings: Use washable paint or even pretend to “paint” each other’s faces. This invites laughter and fun closeness.
- “What’s Different?” Game: Let this child study you closely, then change something small (like closing one eye, switching a hat or moving a piece of jewelry). They then guess what’s different, which sparks observation and playful interaction.
- Pillow Ride: Place your child on a pillow and gently pull them around, making eye contact as you go. This encourages giggles while also reinforcing connection.
- Balloon Play: Keep a balloon in the air together. It’s simple, silly, and encourages back-and-forth teamwork.
These kinds of games don’t require much money or special equipment but the benefits are excellent! This child gets your time, attention, and your willingness to be playful.
Making the Playtime More Meaningful
One of the most important things you can do during these times of playing together is to be fully present. Set aside phones, TVs, or other distractions and let your child see that your eyes and ears are only on them. Children notice when we give them our undivided attention, and that presence speaks louder than words.
As you play, talk with them about what’s happening. Narrating the game, such as “Wow, you really tossed that balloon high!” or naming their feelings, “You look so excited right now!” shows that you see them and take delight in them. Simple phrases like “I love spending time with you” or “You make this game so much fun” go a long way in reinforcing their sense of worth.
Finally, remember that predictability matters. Children thrive when they know what to expect. You don’t have to schedule hours of play every day; even a short, regular time each afternoon or evening can become a ritual they look forward to. Just as important, let them take the lead sometimes. Following their interests tells them, “What matters to you matters to me,” which is one of the deepest messages of attachment.
Making Memories to Create Secure Attachment
Using crafts and shared projects not only helps children remember the time you’ve spend with them. They will also take away a sense that you value them and cherish the time you’ve spent together:
- Memory Jar: Collect small drawings, notes, or tokens (a leaf, an acorn, a bead) and put them in a jar. Once a week, pull one out and talk about it together. Reviving those memories reinforces that your time together is valued.
- Storybook Creation: Draw or write a short story together, making the child a main character. Read it to them later. You could also create an ongoing chapter story that you add to each week.
- Photo Collage: Use old magazines or print photos you take together and glue them together on cardstock. Young kids especially love selfies with fun filters. Hang it somewhere special and talk about how fun that day was.
- Nature Walk Keepsakes: Go for a walk and gather leaves, pebbles, feathers, or wildflowers. Later glue them into a “nature memory page” in a notebook. Add details like the day, the weather, and what you talked about as you walked. Pull the book out on a rainy day to remember the special moments you shared.
These create stories you share, and over time, those stories become a part of your relationship.
What to Watch For & How to Keep Growing
When you’re investing in connection, look for small signs that secure attachment is forming. These types of moments show that they see you as a safe place:
The child comes to you in moments of stress or sadness.
- Crying for comfort
- Requesting a hug or some lap time
- Leaning against you when they’re upset
The child checks your face for reassurance.
A glance your way when they’re unsure, like on the first day at a new school or meeting someone new. That look is a way to ask, “Am I okay?” Your calm presence or encouraging smile is their answer.
The child begins to explore more freely.
They feel free to step away from your side, knowing they can return to you when they need security. That back-and-forth, called the “secure base,” is one of the strongest markers of attachment.
Building a Life-Long Attachment
Of course, building attachment is an ongoing process. It’s not about perfection but consistency. Children grow their ability to trust when they see that even in mistakes (their own or others’), the relationship remains steady. When you stay calm during a meltdown, you model safety and stability. When you apologize for snapping and try again, you model honesty and humility. Each of these small, everyday actions deepens the bond and reassures your child that they are truly cared for.
As their primary caregiver for this season, you carry culture, stories, and roots in this relationship. You also carry love. Using these fun, simple, and meaningful activities, you can build a bond of trust and joy that lasts – no matter how long they live with you. It’s not about doing everything perfectly. It’s about being present, playful, and caring in small moments every day.