Making friends can be hard sometimes. For children who have experienced trauma, loss, big changes, learning differences, or prenatal substance exposure to drugs and alcohol, making friends may feel extra hard. As a grandparent or related caregiver to this child, you can have a big role in helping them build friendships—and feel seen, safe, and strong.
Why Some Kids Have Trouble Making Friends
Here are some of the reasons why friendship may be harder for some children:
Trauma, loss, or change.
If a child has lost someone close, been separated from family, moved a lot, or experienced difficult events, they may feel sad, worried, or mistrustful. These feelings may make it hard to reach out to new people.
Neurodiversity.
Kids with ADHD, autism spectrum disorders, or other brain differences may find it challenging to read social cues (like body language or tone of voice), wait their turn, or stay calm when things feel overwhelming.
Prenatal substance exposure.
Exposure before birth can affect how a child regulates their emotions or how easily they can focus, both of which matter in friendships.
Anxiety, shyness, or low confidence.
Some children are naturally more reserved or may have fear about being rejected or judged. This can stop them from trying to make new friends.
Gaps in learning or social skills.
Sometimes children haven’t had enough experience practicing social skills—skills like listening, sharing, apologizing, or starting conversations. Resources like Child Mind Institute note that kids who are impulsive, hyperactive, or inattentive often need help learning and practicing these social skills.
Understanding this child’s unique challenges can help you respond with patience, kindness, and support rather than blame or frustration.
Evidence-Based Tips to Support Your Grandchild
Research on how children learn and how they experience and express their emotional needs reveals several practices that support the formation of friendships.
Emotion coaching & helping kids regulate emotions.
When children feel strong emotions—anger, fear, sadness—it helps when a safe adult talks with them about those feelings. The adults can also help them learn ways to calm themselves or express feelings in healthy ways.
Empathy and understanding others.
Helping a child consider how someone else feels, noticing others’ moods, and understanding different perspectives support good friendships.
Learning concrete social skills.
For some kids, it doesn’t always come naturally to know how to introduce oneself, how to be a good conversational partner (listening, taking turns), how to apologize, etc. These often have to be taught, practiced, and modeled.
Social scripts.
These are simple, practiced dialogues (“Hello, my name is ___,” “Do you want to play?” etc.) that children, especially those who are more shy or neurodivergent, can rehearse so they feel more prepared in actual social situations.
Playdates, small gatherings, structured activities.
Setting up low-pressure environments where your grandchild can interact with one or two peers is helpful. Making sure the activity is something they like helps too.
Praise effort and positive behaviors.
Instead of focusing only on success (having tons of friends), celebrate small wins: trying to say hello, inviting someone to join, sharing, and helping out.
Parental/caregiver support, but not over-controlling.
You want to help, guide, and be present—but also give space so the child can try, fail, and try again.
Strategies for Making and Keeping Friends
Putting research into action means building everyday habits. Here are strategies you can use:
1. Start with interests & strengths.
Help your grandchild, nephew, or niece discover what they enjoy (art, music, sports, Cherokee traditions, games, etc.) and what they are good at. When they engage in those things, they are more likely to meet others who share similar interests.
2. Practice at home.
Role play greetings, sharing, and resolving conflict. Go through social scripts. Talk through how to respond if someone is upset or if someone doesn’t want to include them right away.
3. Facilitate safe interactions.
Small playdates, inviting one friend to do something simple, community or faith group events where adults you trust are present. Choose cooperative, non-competitive activities (games, storytelling, crafts) to reduce pressure.
4. Teach skills for keeping friends.
Being reliable (showing up, following through), being kind, listening, forgiving mistakes, and apologizing when you mess up. These qualities help friendships last.
5. Support coping with rejection.
Sometimes a child will be left out or feel lonely. Help them understand it’s not always personal, encourage trying again, maybe trying a different friend or group.
Maintain Connections Outside Your Home
Maintain relationships with the safe adults who interact with your grandchild in other spaces, too. These include:
- School: Teachers, counselors, and coaches can help spot kids who are having trouble. They often know about clubs, teams, or peer programs. You can ask the school if there are arts clubs, music, sports, or peer mentoring where your grandchild could feel included.
- Community & Culture: Local programs—tribal youth programs, art or dance groups, traditional craft classes—can offer safe, culturally meaningful spaces. These can also help a child feel connected to identity, which supports confidence.
- Faith Groups: Church youth groups, spiritual or community gatherings, or ceremonies can give chances to build friendships with shared values. Being part of something larger than oneself can support belonging and care.
The Role of Other Safe Adults
Having these other adults outside the immediate family who care about your grandchild and are safe and reliable is very important when raising this child. They can lend support to this child by:
- Modeling good friendship behavior
- Providing encouragement and guidance
- Serving as a sounding board for feelings
- Helping your grandchild connect with peers in safe settings
Help Kids Identify Their Interests, Strengths, and Skills
When your relative children know what they like and what they are good at, they feel more confident—and that confidence helps in making friends. Here are ways to support this:
- Ask open questions: “What makes you feel happy?” “What are things you like doing even when no one else is around?”
- Try different activities: maybe something new, maybe something traditional, maybe something fun outdoors.
- Celebrate their achievements: no matter how small—finishing a drawing, helping someone, playing a part in a group.
- Build skills: if they like music, art, dance, craft, language, or stories, help them practice, get access to tools, or support.
Belonging Is a Core Need for Every Child
Every child deserves to feel that they belong. For kids who have faced trauma, loss, change, or who have learning or attention differences, friendships might not come easily—but they can be built. As a grandparent or other caregiver, your kindness, steady support, safe space, encouragement, and interest in their strengths can make all the difference in how they make and maintain friendships.