When a child has lived through tough times, like trauma, neglect, or abuse, the adults in their life often focus on what’s “wrong” and try to fix it. We invite you to consider that there is another way to tackle the challenges and the impacts they have on your grandchild, niece, or nephew. Instead of focusing on what the child struggles with, look for and label their strengths and help them grow in those areas. Celebrating their unique potential can make a significant difference in their life path.
Tips for Nurturing a Child’s Strengths
By focusing on what this child does well, you can also build a deeper connection and attachment with them. They will start to feel more confident and may grow up to be more resilient in life.
These three simple tips can put you and your relative’s child on the path to strengthening their individuality and shoring up their self-esteem. You will also have the opportunity to deepen the trust between you and help them develop their identity as an individual and as a member of your tribal community.
1. Think About Your Expectations
When a child has faced trauma, loss, or other hard times, it can be difficult to see their strengths because you are so focused on the ways those challenges impact them. But they do have unique strengths! Even if a child was affected before birth by alcohol or drug exposure, they can still shine in many ways. Keep an open mind as you look for the positive in this child.
Your grandchild, niece, or cousin may struggle at school or exhibit challenging behaviors at home. However, they may also be creative, friendly, compassionate, athletic, or great with animals or younger kids. Your nephew may seem stubborn, but he could also be considered very determined and persistent. There are many different kinds of intelligence and talent. Your relative child needs to know that you expect positive growth and potential in them and that you are looking for their strengths.
2. Help Them Find Their Strengths
Kids need time and space to play and try new things. That’s how they figure out what they enjoy and where they shine. Take some time to intentionally observe what this child or youth enjoys doing during their free time. What makes them excited? What do they talk about the most?
Sometimes, kids don’t know their strengths because they haven’t had the chance to try new experiences yet. One of the best parts of raising a child is seeing the world through their eyes. So, help them explore! Please encourage them to join a club or team at school, or volunteer at an animal shelter or nursing home.
You can take this a step further by finding someone in your community who can introduce them to a special skill, such as wood carving, basket making, or jewelry crafting. Seek opportunities for them to shadow safe adults who do jobs or hobbies that interest this child. And if you have a skill to share, inviting them to join you or learn with you can help them feel connected to their family roots and culture.
3. Help Their Strengths Grow
Once you’ve identified their talents and interests, here are five ways to invest in your relative child or youth to develop their strengths and honor their strong individual character.
Create opportunities to explore and practice.
Allow this child or young person some time to focus on what truly interests them. If they haven’t had the chance to explore a variety of experiences, it’s never too late. Share your interests and talents with them, or those of a community member. Find artisans in your community who are willing to share their skills with your grandchild.
Encourage the idea that no one is skilled or accomplished the first time they try something new. Practicing, failing, and trying again are all skills that your grandchild needs to thrive in life. You can create a sense of safety to learn and keep trying to learn that will support them well as they grow.
Support their interests with simple supplies.
If you have a budding artist, provide a sketchpad, paints, brushes, clay, or other suitable materials. You don’t have to spend a lot to set them up nicely. Creating art from nature is not only inexpensive but also a beautiful part of Cherokee culture.
Give them physical space to develop their interests.
You can give them a desk in the living room, a work table, or a soccer net in the backyard. You could drive them to a trailhead for a run or a hike.
Help them find a mentor.
Find a safe adult who can guide and inspire them, like a tribal elder or community member who shares their interests. For example, if they love running, look for local groups like the Cherokee Run Club, Jus Boyz Running Club, or Girls on the Run. Your local school district is a good place to inquire about these types of opportunities.
To learn more about the topic of mentors, read the article, Why Your Grandchild Needs Mentors, on this site.
Encourage them.
Even if you don’t know much about their favorite activity, your support matters. Ask them to teach you something about their hobby or a new skill. Cheer them on at games or performances. Praise them for their efforts and perseverance. Discuss their strengths with teachers and other caregivers who invest in their well-being.
Building Strengths can Strengthen Resilience.
When we support a child’s strengths, we help them grow stronger inside. They begin to see their value and can better handle life’s challenges. These intentional actions to support this child’s unique strengths and skills will also build the bonds between you, and they will know you are invested in their thriving!
For more ideas to strengthen your relative child’s resilience, read “50 Ways to Bring Out Your Child’s Best.”