Raising your relative’s child is a sacred responsibility and a loving act that gives this child a safe space to land when their parents cannot care for them right now. Whether you’re a grandparent, aunt, uncle, cousin, or chosen family, you can make a lasting impact for this family. But remember, caring for yourself is not selfish or indulgent. It’s crucial! When you are regularly well-supported, rested, and balanced, you are better able to support the children you are caring for.
Making Self-Care Part of Your Routine
Here are some practical and meaningful self-care tips to help you plan for regular self-care. Even if resources are tight or time feels short, you can try these ideas to help you stay fueled for the important work you do for this child.
1. Move Your Body in Ways That Feel Good
Staying physically active doesn’t mean you must join a gym or buy expensive work-out equipment. Movement is medicine, and it’s even better when it brings joy.
Go for walks.
Whether you go alone, with the kids, or with a friend, walking is free! Take short walks, plan nature walks, or go hiking. Time spent outdoors, moving and taking in the fresh air will bring peace.
Stretch or dance at home to music you love.
Play with the kids.
Playing tag, backyard softball, or even a simple round of hide and seek can be fun and active for everyone. Plus, laughter builds bonds between you.
Join community fitness classes or dance groups when possible.
The additional benefit of these social gatherings can uplift the spirit while keeping your body strong.
2. Care for Your Mental and Emotional Wellness
Your heart and mind carry so much when you are raising your grandchild or nephew. It’s okay to feel tired, worried, or overwhelmed. What matters is finding ways to check in with yourself and find support, so you aren’t doing it all alone.
- Talk to someone you trust, like a sibling, cousin, elder, or friend. Sharing can ease the weight.
- Find a local support group for caregivers or talk circles, either in person or online.
- Use writing or art to express how you feel. Journaling, drawing, storytelling and other creative expressions help you process and release emotions.
- If you have access, see a mental health counselor. Check with your community center to see if they offer culturally informed counseling or phone-in services.
3. Make Time for Quiet and Reflection
Engaging in spiritual quiet time or self-reflection can be grounding. Whether you follow traditional ways, another faith, or your own personal path, this time spent reflecting can strengthen you.
A few examples of meaningful quiet reflection include:
- Smudge when you can or simply sit quietly with a cup of tea or water.
- Spend at least 5 minutes a day quietly breathing, praying, or meditating.
- Visit a meaningful place—a river, a hill, a tree, a backyard space—to reconnect with yourself and your ancestors.
- Teach the children by example: show them how you find peace, so they learn how to care for their own wellbeing.
4. Ideas for Childcare and Sharing Responsibilities
Raising little ones, with all their energy, can be extra draining if you are an older caregiver. It’s okay – and even necessary – to ask for help. You shouldn’t have to do it all alone. Consider how to gather support around you, such as:
- Childcare swapping with other parents or caregivers—watch each other’s kids for a few hours when possible.
- Involving older children in the family to help with younger ones (appropriate to their ages and abilities).
- Looking for community programs through the school district, the tribal council foundation, childcare centers, or even local libraries.
- Arranging playdates or family visits to allow family connections and to give you a little breathing room.
5. Keep a Routine (Even a Simple One)
Kids impacted by separation from their parents, chaos, loss, and other challenges often need extra layers of consistent structure and routine to feel safe. The routines will help you too by streamlining your days and keeping things predictable.
- Have regular bedtimes and mealtimes whenever possible.
- Create a weekly calendar with both fun and necessary activities: chores, outings, meals, rest time.
- Keep a “quiet hour” daily if possible, where screens are off and everyone winds down with books, crafts, or calm music.
However, the goal is not to maintain all these things perfectly. That pressure can create more stress and that’s the opposite of healthy self-care. Your consistency and effort will matter more than sticking strictly to a plan.
6. Take Care of Your Physical Health
Your body deserves care, just like the kids’. It’s critical that you keep up with regular doctor and dental checkups as much as possible. If you haven’t been in a while, start with one appointment at a time. You should also keep your medications and glasses up to date. Many local clinics, community centers, and tribal health offices can give you recommendations for information on sliding-scale or free services.
Please don’t ignore pain or tiredness. Your health is a priority. These children depend on you, and you deserve to feel well while helping raise them.
7. Include Fun in Your Self-Care!
Laughter and time spent enjoying your friends or family is good medicine. Don’t forget to have fun doing things you love, with people you love. Maintaining healthy connections is a necessary human connection that benefits all of you.
- Call or visit a friend or sibling just to talk or share a story.
- Host a simple family meal or potluck, even if it’s just sandwiches or soup.
- Watch a movie or play a game with the kids—or without them!
- Share memories and stories with the younger ones. That joy and connection builds bridges between generations.
8. Do Something Just for You
Picking up a former hobby or learning a new one can bring balance to your day and improve your sense of wellbeing. These hobbies don’t have to be costly – and if you do them with a friend or family member, you can boost the impact with the added social connections.
- Sew, bead, carve, knit, draw, or write—whatever speaks to your spirit.
- Listen to music, podcasts, or language learning tapes while you cook or clean.
- Read or listen to a book on topics that interest you.
- Create small daily rituals for yourself: a quiet tea in the morning, an evening walk, or a special playlist.
You Are Not Alone
It’s likely that there are many in your community also raising relative children. Knowing you aren’t alone, that others also have hard days, beautiful moments, and both on the same day, can help you keep moving.
When you care well for yourself, you can also teach the next generation that they are worth caring for—and so are we. Lean on your community. Rest when you need. Laugh when you can. Cry when you must. You are doing sacred work.