Raising a tween or teen today means dealing with phones, social media, and online safety. If your grandchild or a young relative has come to live with you, and you haven’t had to manage screen time before, it can feel overwhelming. When you educate yourself and maintain open conversations with this tween or teen, you can take steps to help them stay safe, healthy, and connected.
7 Tips to Help Tweens and Teens Use Screens Safely
1. Start with Respect and Conversation
If this relative child didn’t have screen rules before they came to live with you, it’s important to talk with them before setting up new ones. Try saying:
“I know things are different now. I want to keep you safe and help you grow. Let’s talk about how we use phones, social media, and video games.”
You can also keep conversations more productive by asking open-ended questions like:
- “What do you like doing online?”
- “What can you teach me about your favorite app?”
- “Has anything online ever made you feel uncomfortable or unsafe?”
Listening first builds trust. Let them know you’re not trying to punish or control them. You want to support them to learn safety while staying connected to their world.
2. Make a Family Media Plan Together
You will need to set clear guidelines about screen use. The rules should fit your home and your values. You may also need to incorporate some compromise and negotiation if this tween or teen had no rules before coming to live with you. When you involve them in creating the plan, you will make them feel seen and heard.
Your family media plan can include:
- Time frames for screen use (like after homework)
- No phones or devices at meals or bedtime
- Apps or games that are okay to use
- Safety checks or text reviews (with or without them)
The Family Media Plan Tool from the American Academy of Pediatrics is a helpful tool for caregivers who need a framework to work from.
3. Teach Online Safety
It’s developmentally typical for them to not fully understand how long-lasting or far-reaching online activity can be. They may not grasp how dangerous the internet can be. Start safety training with a few basics:
- Never share personal info with people they don’t know (like a home address, cell number, or school).
- Don’t send photos to people they don’t know in real life.
- Be careful about clicking on unknown links or ads.
- Tell a safe adult if someone online is creepy, mean, or asking private questions.
- Remind them that once something is online, it can’t be taken back.
4. Help Your Grandchild Use Tech to Stay Connected with Birth Parents
Many kids in kinship care want to stay connected to their birth parents, even if they can’t live with them. If the conditions can be safe and contact is allowed by the court or social worker (if they are involved with the foster system), you can:
- Set regular video calls (like once a week).
- Help them write text messages or emails or create short videos.
- Use apps like Google Duo, Messenger Kids, or Zoom (with your supervision).
If your grandchild or relative tween or teen is involved with children’s services, ask their caseworker for further guidance about type of contact and frequency. When this tween or teen is in contact, stay involved and make sure conversations are safe and supportive. Be sure your grandchild knows you are present and safe for them to share what happens in their visits.
5. Keep Screens Out of Bedrooms at Night
Research shows us that screen use around bedtime can lead to poor sleep. Further, allowing phones or devices to stay in the kids’ rooms overnight can lead to secret – and usually inappropriate – use. Set a reasonable room about devices, such as “All phones and tablets charge in the kitchen overnight.”
Let them know good sleep habits are important for growing minds and hearts. If they need an alarm clock, get them a separate one instead of using a phone.
6. Be a Role Model
Kids watch what we do, not just what we say. If you are always on your phone, they will be too. (We know, this one might be painful!)
To help your grandchildren or relative kids feel supported and respected, you should consider if you are “practicing what you preach” with your technology.
- Put your phone down during meals, in-person conversations, etc.
- Talk about your own screen limits (“I need to turn this off now and take a break.”)
- Watch a show, go for a walk, or play a game (without screens!) to send the message that you want to connect with them.
7. Keep Learning to Keep Up with the Changes!
Technology changes so quickly that many parents and caregivers get overwhelmed easily and throw in the towel on keeping up. However, it’s crucial that you hang in there while your grandkids are young. No matter how long they are in your care, you can make significant impacts on their view of responsible screen time and technology use. The good news is that you don’t have to do the learning alone.
Here are a few trusted organizations with tools and tips to help you understand youth, screens, and safety.
- Common Sense Media – Reviews apps, shows, and games for age-appropriateness
- ConnectSafely – Safety guides for parents and caregivers on social media and tech use
- ScreenSanity – Offers tools and resources to help families balance technology use
- Healthy Native Youth – Culturally relevant health tools and education for Indigenous youth and families
- StrongHearts Native Helpline – Offers support on healthy relationships and safe communication
Teaching Online Safety is a Journey, Not a Sprint!
You may not get everything perfect when learning and teaching online safety to your tween or teen grandchild. What matters most is love, guidance, and showing your tween or teen that you care. They may push back at first. That’s normal. But when they know you’re consistent and calm, they’ll learn to trust you — and your rules.
You’re not just managing screen time. You’re building connection, safety, and strength.