If you’ve been reading articles on this site for a while now, you probably know about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). These are tough or scary things a child goes through—like abuse, neglect, or losing a parent. According to the Centers for Disease Control, nearly two out of three adults in the U.S. had at least one ACE as a child.
But did you know there’s also something called Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs)? These are the good things that can help a child heal, grow, and succeed—even after tough times.
The 4 Big Ways PCEs Help Kids
Researchers found that certain types of positive experiences can help balance out the effects of trauma. These are the four main “building blocks” of PCEs:
1. Strong Relationships
Every child needs safe and caring people around them. From the first moment you welcome a child to your home, you can start building trust—by smiling, listening, and showing you care. As they grow, your time and attention matter more than fancy gifts or perfect plans.
You don’t have to do big things either. Watching cartoons together, teaching them how to ride a bike, or just being there helps them feel safe and valued. Put away distractions and give your grandchild or nephew your full attention.
As kids get older, relationships with others (teachers, coaches, or trusted adults) become important too. Make sure those adults are safe and supportive. Also, help your grandchild learn how to be a good friend, handle family relationships, and deal with things like a friend’s first crush or sibling conflict.
Kids with painful pasts might struggle to trust. Be patient. Help them talk about their feelings, especially if they have mixed emotions about their birth parents or extended family. Don’t talk badly about their parents. Instead, guide them to deal with their difficult feelings in healthy ways.
The human brain has an amazing ability to change and heal over time. By giving this child many loving experiences, you help rewire their brain in a positive way.
2. A Safe and Supportive Environment
Kids need safe places to live, learn, and play—not just physically, but emotionally too. A home should feel peaceful and welcoming, not scary or chaotic.
For your young relatives, make sure your home is both safe and fun. You might need to put away fragile things for a while so preschoolers or toddlers can explore without hearing “no” all the time.
Tweens and teens need to feel like your home is their home. Let them decorate their room or homework space. Offer some privacy (within reason). Ask their opinion on things like paint colors or room layouts. Feeling included helps them feel like they belong.
It’s also important to create emotional safety through predictable routines, family traditions, and shared memories. These don’t need to be fancy or expensive.
- Reliable routines like Taco Tuesdays, bedtime stories, weekend breakfasts, or Friday movie nights give kids something to count on.
- Traditions—like birthday pancakes, holiday decorations, or even making a silly “victory dance” when someone accomplishes a goal—can become treasured memories.
- Baking cookies, building a fort in the living room, taking evening walks, or just laughing together over a game can make memories that help this child feel connected and secure.
These everyday rhythms and moments build safety, belonging, and love—no matter what kind of day they’ve had.
3. Being Involved and Valued
Everyone wants to feel like they matter. Kids need chances to contribute and be counted on. Start with simple chores or family tasks that are right for their age:
- Toddlers (2–4 years old): Picking up toys, helping feed pets, wiping up small spills with a cloth.
- Young kids (5–7 years old): Making their bed, setting the table, putting away laundry, watering plants.
- Tweens (8–12 years old): Vacuuming, helping with dinner, folding laundry, walking the dog, packing their lunch.
- Teens (13+ years old): Cooking simple meals, mowing the lawn, babysitting younger siblings, running errands, doing grocery shopping with a list.
- Young adults: Help neighbors by house sitting, pet sitting, raking leaves, shoveling snow, or collecting mail when they’re away. When others rely on them, it builds confidence.
Encourage your kids to join teams, clubs, or volunteer groups. Trying new things helps them meet people and build skills. When they feel missed if they’re not there, it shows they matter to others. Expect their best effort—not perfection—and let them know you believe in them.
4. Learning to Manage Emotions
There’s no club for “emotional growth,” but you can teach all the kids in your care how to manage big feelings. For example, let kids work through problems with friends or siblings without jumping in right away. These moments help them practice sharing, problem-solving, and understanding others.
When you give them space to manage things on their own, it shows you trust them. Be nearby to help if needed and praise their efforts when they try to sort things out.
If something doesn’t go their way—like not making a team—don’t rush in to fix it. Instead, listen, show you care, and help them see the bigger picture when they’re ready.
Your granddaughter feels left out because her friends had a sleepover and didn’t invite her. Instead of calling the other kids’ parents or jumping in to “fix” the situation, sit with her and listen. Say things like, “That sounds really hurtful,” or “I’m sorry you’re feeling left out.” After she’s processed her emotions and cooled down, you could gently ask, “What do you want to do next?” or “Has something like this happened before? How did you handle it then?”
Sometimes the best help is simply being there and reminding these kids of their strengths. These moments teach them how to cope, reflect, and bounce back.
The Brain Can Heal—and You Can Help
Trauma, loss and chaos can deeply affect a child, but the brain is always changing. The great news is that Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs) help the brain heal. This is especially true during key times of growth—like early childhood and the teenage years.
As speaker and former foster youth Josh Shipp says, “Every kid is one caring adult away from being a success story.” When you welcomed this child, you signed up to be that one caring adult. By adding these four building blocks to your everyday life—strong relationships, safe spaces, involvement, and emotional growth—you’re helping your child build a strong, healthy future