Are you raising a grandchild (or nephew or cousin) who spends countless hours scrolling on their phone? Do you know what they’re doing on their tablets, laptops, or cell phones? How do we navigate the issues of internet safety, social media culture, and screen time without sacrificing attachment and connection with our tween or teen?
The tweens and teens in your home probably already know far more than you do about the newest apps and technology. They likely also know how to work around the safeguards you are trying to implement. It might feel impossible to keep up with their savvy and the fast-moving changes in technology.
The kids living in your home need your mindful presence to help them safely navigate the internet and form healthy online habits. This guide can also help you start conversations about what you’re learning with your grandchildren.
Tips for Supervising Safe Internet Use
1. Educate Yourself About the Dangers of the Internet and Social Media
Start by researching the risks of extensive screen time and internet content on a child’s developing brain. Here are some good resources to help you:
An excellent conversation starter with your tween or teen about what you learn might go like this:
I read today that being on my phone too close to bedtime stimulates my brain instead of relaxing it. I wonder if that’s why I have trouble falling asleep. Does that happen to you?
You can “toss” that conversational ball and let your grandchild toss it back for further conversation. If they drop it, at least you’ve planted the seed for thought.
2. Create a Family Internet Safety Plan
Apply what you’ve learned about the internet and social media’s risks and benefits to create some basic family rules. However, remember, if you’re raising an older child, he may have had little to no supervision in internet safety or safe social media practices before living with you. Rules might feel strict or unnecessary to him at the start. If that’s the case, we recommend that you start slowly and work together with your tween or teen.
Your focus should be on building trust and helping them feel safe in your care in your early days together. Laying down hardline rules might keep them off the internet while they are in the kitchen with you. But it won’t teach them how to conduct themselves safely when they sneak online at a friend’s or under the covers after you’ve fallen asleep.
The goal of establishing boundaries for your internet use is first to protect your grandkids. Second, you want to teach them to navigate and choose wisely to protect themselves.
Be clear with your tweens and teens about what you expect of their online behavior. Spell out the consequences you will enforce when they try to get around your rules and safety guidelines. Enforce the rules consistently and fairly. Offer grace for the learning curve, especially if they haven’t had loving, safe boundaries before.
You’ll notice we said “when” and not “if” they try to get around the rules. Experimenting, pushing boundaries, and challenging authority are typical tween and teen development milestones. These behaviors are hard to manage, but necessary for building intelligence and gaining life experience as they prepare for adulthood.
Here are some guidelines for setting up your family’s internet and social media safety plan.
Guidelines for Your Family Internet and Social Media Safety Plan
1. Keep computers, tablets, and phones out of bedrooms at night.
This is a good general rule, but it may depend upon when your grandchildren came to live with you and what their experience was before that. Talk out what electronics can be used in their bedrooms and when.
Many caregivers limit screen time by requiring children to store and recharge their phones and devices in the adult’s bedroom at night. This guarantees your grandchild won’t be gaming or texting when they should be sleeping.
2. Limit the amount of screen time.
Talk with your tween or teen about how much time they think is reasonable and explain your limits. Pediatricians recommend no more than 2 hours of screen time per day for ages 12-17. This does not include the time needed online for homework. Remember that screen time includes watching tv and playing video games in addition to time on a phone and computer.
Seek a middle ground to start. Be flexible on the details, especially if your child isn’t used to having these limits. Be willing to check in and re-visit this conversation as you see your tween or teen succeeding or struggling. Set your limits but listen to their input.
3. Keep up with social media trends.
Monitor the apps your tween or teen is using. This website explains current social media, gaming, photo, and video apps: https://protectyoungeyes.com/apps/ You can also ask your tweens and teens to help you learn. This time together can have the bonus of forging connections and helping you get into their world.
4. Keep the conversation open.
Ask your tween or teen about what apps they use, why they enjoy them, and how they feel when interacting online. Take their thoughts and feelings seriously – the age of the internet and social media is their reality. Create an open and safe space for your grandchild to talk to you. They need to know you are there for them without judgment.
Remember, the goal isn’t just to keep your kids safe. It’s to equip them to keep themselves safe. Encourage them to speak honestly about what they see and why specific interactions feel uncomfortable. Reinforce their feelings by assuring them that you might feel uncomfortable too. Teach your grandchild to trust their gut.
5. Invest in a robust internet safety monitor.
Several safety tools on the market will block or at least slow your tweens’ or teens’ attempts to access inappropriate sites. These apps offer a wide range of services. They can block, require passcodes for specific apps and sites, and set timers for internet use. A few popular parental monitors are Bark, Circle, and Qustodio.
Learn and Grow Together
We get it – it feels risky knowing they have the whole world right in the palm of their hands. Remember that you aren’t alone in this struggle. There’s plenty of support out there to help you learn and grow with your grandkids while you protect them and teach them to defend themselves.
You can read more about developing your family’s internet and social media safety plans at the following sites: