Some kids are simply more easily distracted than others. They have trouble focusing in school and at home. They may have a diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) or not, but you know that keeping their attention is a challenge. There are some dos and don’ts you can use to help this child and reduce your frustration.
Parenting Do’s When Raising Kids with Attention Issues
#1: Do Create Structure and Predictability.
1. Begin by creating clear rules and enforcing them consistently.
2. You may want to slow down your family life and structure it with fewer activities. Is everything on your family calendar adding to the family culture you value? Set your priorities and focus on what is most important.
3. Simplify and organize the child’s life. You can use things such as pictures, lists, and charts to hold their attention. Organizers like calendars, day planners, and alarms on phones can help the child stay on track.
4. Break your routines down into smaller chunks. For example, if the child’s chore is to set the table for dinner, break it down into exactly what you mean: ask Grandmom how many people will be at dinner, ask Grandma what silverware we need for dinner, set the silverware on the table, set out the paper towels, fill the plastic glasses with water and set them on the table.
You can also model how you break down routines for the child. For example, you might say out loud, “Hmm. I need to get to the store. I need my wallet. I need my coupons. I need my grocery list. Okay. Got it. See you all in an hour.”
5. Structure should also apply to the child’s sleep patterns. Enforce the same bedtime every night. Have a nightly routine for the child to get ready for bed. You can post pictures or words of the steps in this routine in their bedroom or bathroom.
Many of these tips will help to grow the child’s executive functioning skills. This is how their brain organizes thoughts and carries out tasks. You can read more about supporting a child who struggles with executive function and organizational skills here.
#2: Do Think About Making Lifestyle Changes.
1. Make sure this child gets outside and gets plenty of exercise. Many kids with attention issues seem to have endless energy. This can be exhausting, especially if you are parenting for the second time around with a grandchild. When the weather’s not cooperating, you can encourage indoor exercise. There are fun sites on the internet to get kids moving, such as GoNoodle, and Cosmic Kids. Yoga on Cosmic Kids can have a calming effect on the child (and you).
2. Many experts suggest making dietary changes for kids with attention problems. This might include a diet that has less sugar. Limit soda, sports drinks, and even fruit juices. Try getting rid of gluten or lactose to see if it makes a difference. You can keep a simple food journal to track what they are eating. Write down how they behave afterward to see if there are connections.
#3: Do Have a Plan for Behavior Management.
1. You can and should encourage good behavior in your child. Kids do what gets attention so we need to give them attention for what we want them to do. Praise what you want to see! In addition to praise, offer a reward for doing what you want. For example, if your child follows through with a chore, they might earn extra screen time or a healthy treat.
2. You can also remove a reward and follow bad behavior with appropriate consequences. For example, if the child doesn’t do her chore, she might lose screen time or not be able to watch TV until it is complete. You should also think through what might be getting in the child’s way of completing her chore. For example, would more practice with you help or would a checklist be useful.
Parenting Don’ts When Raising Kids with Attention Issues
#1: Don’t compare this child to others you know or have raised.
Every person is unique. Look for and appreciate this child’s many gifts and strengths. “A Walk in the Rain with the Brain,” by Edward Hallowell, MD, is a children’s picture book about the brain differences we all have. Maybe you know stories from your culture with this message to share with your child.
#2: Don’t sweat the small stuff!
Many of these behaviors can be annoying. Overlook those that you can so that you don’t become overwhelmed and lash out at the child.
#3: Don’t let your child or the disorder take control of your family’s life.
Stick to your parenting plan. Stay focused on the positives and the progress. Hold on to your behavior management plan and be consistent with enforcing it. Ask for help when you need it.
#4: Don’t try to go it alone.
Reach out to others in your family and community for help and support. Talk with your child’s pediatrician. Among those with a confirmed diagnosis of Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder, (ADHD), medication can be very safe and effective. Some experts say that when the prescriptions are used properly, medication works as much as 80% of the time. Supervised medication for ADHD can also reduce the child’s risk for substance abuse and addiction later in life, which is 5 to 10 times more common in people with ADHD.
Parent the Child You Have
As tempting as it is to wish this child behaved differently, remember to raise the child in front of you. It may be difficult at times but recognize that this child is special and worthy of your best. To find out more, read “Tips For Keeping Easily Distracted Kids on Task.”